Unmedicated & Miserable

Due to a set of circumstances (some out of my control, some not) I am currently unmedicated.

Basically, I was supposed to get lab work done back in October/November.  Before I could, I accidentally threw out my lab orders (I am a genius).  I called my doctor a few times, and since his receptionist NEVER answers the phone, I left messages, asking him to please fax the lab orders to Staples.  I left the fax # a few times and the orders never came.  And then I got distracted by the holidays and all that so . . . yeah.  I called the office yesterday morning and left another message along the same lines, and Jerbs overheard me and promptly informed me that I'd been reversing two of the numbers in the fax number . . . which explained why I'd never gotten a fax from my doctor in November.  So I called back with the right number (also via message) and hopefully when Jerbs goes back to work tomorrow the fax will be waiting for her so I can get my labs done.  Because no labs=no refills on my Lithium, which is why I'm currently out.  I requested a refill online hoping that I could maybe get some before I get the labs done, but that's unlikely.  Worse case scenario I'll have to wait until my next Dr.'s appt. on the 16th to get meds.

Anyway, I am freaking miserable.  I just feel like crap.  It's started to get really bad over the past couple of days.  I can feel my mind getting manic, I can feel myself panicking over little things, I can't focus, I can't sleep, I have headaches, the tension in my forehead has come back with a vengeance, the little OCD things I have are getting worse, I'm getting progressively more irritable . . . it sucks.  Suuuuucks.  I'm struggling just to get through the days right now and I really, really hate it.  Jerbs has commented that she's noticed a significant change in me.

I can't believe I used to live like this.  I can't believe this used to be my normal.  Every time I lapse in treatment I realize how much the treatment is helping me.  I'm very, very angry at myself that this lapse has happened, but . . . I honestly tried, and I know that there's nothing about it that was deliberate.  It's just frustrating.

Hopefully this will be the last lapse.  That's my goal, anyhow.  Once I get my Li refill this month, I am NOT going to let my treatment drop again.
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EDIT 01/06:  Amazing how things work when you give people the correct information!  My lab order was waiting for Jerbs at Staples today.  I'm going to make like 7 copies of it so that I always have a backup!  So that's one hurdle cleared . . . now I have to figure out the financial part . . . yikes.