I feel like every year, on New Year's Eve, I say, "I can't believe the year is over, it feels like it just flew by." And tonight is no exception, but I feel like tonight, I mean it more sincerely then ever before. I feel like it can't possibly have been a whole year ago that I wrote this post about 2013. I honestly think that's one of the reasons I've felt off the past few weeks--because the year has just gone by so freaking fast! It's actually kind of disappointing, because I look back and feel like I didn't enjoy it enough, like I didn't engage enough, like I missed out on a lot, like the year went by too quickly and now I'm kicking myself for not taking more advantage of it. Maybe that's weird, but it's definitely how I feel. At the same time, I think that maybe this is just how the passage of time feels when you're just living, and there isn't this grand overarching struggle that you're trying to overcome.
Because really, the past few years have come with built in challenges and really, really specific goals. 2011 was the start of my attempt at mental health, and in 2012 I got my heart broken and had to get over a break up and figure out who I was after my engagement ended, and and 2013 was a re-commitment to mental health. Those were definitive things that were wrong, and I overcame them, and so those years just felt like successes. Especially 2013, which is the year I really got my shit together, the year I really started to excel. But 2014 . . . well, 2014 was really just about maintaining that level of success and health. It's the first year of my adult life that's ever been about maintaining, and just living. And I think maybe that concept was more of an adjustment than I'd realized, because it honestly wasn't something I thought about being an issue. In the past, I was always just focused on getting mentally healthy, and I never thought about what came after.
I don't think 2014 was a particularly great year. It wasn't particularly bad either, though.
In January I celebrated a full year of working at Mountain Heart, which was a huge milestone for me. I was so proud of myself for being able to hold down a full time job for a whole year, and for being good at my job and really excelling. And now, I'm proud that in a couple weeks, I'll celebrate two years there.
In February, I turned 29, which has turned out to be a pretty awkward age for me. And two weeks after my birthday, I lost Benji. Hands down, that was the worst part of my year. No question about it. I miss Benji every single day, and it's still so strange to me that he's not here. But I really believe I'll see him again someday, and I also believe that he's in Heaven and watching over me.
In March, I adopted Hollie, and she turned out to be the best decision ever as far as Max was concerned. She's a great dog in and of herself, but she's made Max a much, much better dog. Those two are best friends, and that makes me happy.
In April . . . I don't remember much of April, to be honest. Or May.
In June, I got a second job. It's been helpful but also stressful, and I don't think I've quite mastered the whole balancing one job against the other, and balancing having two jobs with having a non-work life, so that's something I'll be working on this coming year. I'm really excited, though, to have my second job, and I'd like to hold onto it for the entire year.
In July, Jerbs and I had a quiet Independence Day. That was the day I got pulled over and the cop asked me if I was Jerbs' mom . . . not the best moment. But I got to see my family, which is always nice.
In August, my sister and I did the Climb to Conquer Cancer again, and it was awesome. That was also the month that I adopted Si'l Vous Plait, my Siamese cat. He's curled up by my feet right now, and he's just the cutest thing.
In September, I finally started seeing a new psychiatrist, and that was a huge weight off my shoulders. It's never easy to start over like that, but it's been worth it.
October and November were pretty uneventful. I did go to the NAU Homecoming game for the first time since 2009, and that was one of my favorite days of the whole year. Halloween was stressful, but Thanksgiving was nice and quiet and relaxing.
December has been disappointing weather wise. We had a really mild winter last year, and I was hoping for a less mild one this year, but it was a dry season. We finally got a decent amount of snow today (it's up to my knees in some spots!), so that's nice, and I kind of like the idea of a snowy new year. I did really enjoy Christmas, though, and I'm glad I was able to spend it with my family.
And now here we are with only about 20 minutes left in 2014. It makes me sad, but at the same time, I'm looking forward to 2015. There are some changes I'm ready to make, and I'm prepared to take my 30's by storm. I'm going into 2015 healthy and hopeful (second year in a row I can say that, go me!), and I think it will be a good year. I am ringing it in at home, with Jerbs, because it's way too cold to do anything else.
So good-bye, 2014; you were a decent year of living a grown up life.
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