For some reason, I've been grumpy lately. Maybe lately is the wrong way to say it since it's only been since yesterday but still.
I just woke up in a bad mood yesterday. A really bad mood. I'd slept fine and through the night (so rare for me), but as soon as I was up I was just . . . really grouchy. For the first time since I started I didn't want to go to work, and I didn't want to talk to Jerbs or anything. I don't really know why . . . it was just kind of one of those things. I was OK at work and actually got a lot done but I just felt kind of off throughout. I was so excited to get off at noon and come home and take a nap. But then Jerbs got off early and I just felt weirdly annoyed with her . . . which is stupid because she hasn't done anything, and I felt bad.
I'm still a little grouchy. For the rest of the day, after work, when I wasn't sleeping (I took a 4 hour nap . . . good job), I just felt off. Kinda cranky, kinda down in the dumps, kinda panicky. Like I said, I'm not really sure why . . . I have some theories, though.
I think the day started out badly because I decided to sleep in and skip showering, and even though I always think it's a good idea at the time, it never is, because I end up getting to work and feeling gross and ugly next to the other girls. (I work almost exclusively with women . . . the only man who works in the business office is our CEO). And of course that's not a good experience so yeah. Plus I wore new shoes today (I finally found cute boots with a little heel!) and even though that's a good thing, I think the combo of feeling like I looked like shit and wearing cute shoes made me feel silly. I know that sounds totally ridiculous, but it's true . . . I felt like an ugly little kid trying to wear big girl shoes. (I love the shoes though).
Plus lately I've just felt . . . I don't know, weak and tired and sluggish and HUGE. I think it's because I haven't worked out in quite awhile, which is lame. Hopefully that'll change next week . . . the person I need to talk to about joining the gym was out yesterday and today, so I sent her an email today. I can't wait to get back in the groove of working out. I've also been craving bad things lately, and I've eaten out more times than I should have this past week. Granted one day was my birthday, and two days were treats for Jerbs, but I'd wanted those 3 to be it and that definitely hasn't happened. I am still under my goal for the month, so I'm going to try really hard to stop. And then there's the ridiculous Dr. Pepper craving. Lately I've just been feeling like I NEED soda, especially at work (maybe because I'm tired? I don't know). But I was doing so well, craving more water and all that, and now all of a sudden . . . not so much. (I am still drinking a lot of water, though, which is somewhat of a plus). I'm not even going to say how much Dr. Pepper I've had in the past week because it's just too pathetic to admit publicly.
Most of it's probably just that my time of the month is about to start. I hate it so much.
The panic is mostly over money. I admit I did a lot of spending with this paycheck. But it was almost completely on stuff I needed (like some new work clothes and shoes, groceries, household stuff, etc), and a big chunk of it was a rent check to Jerbs. And honestly I'm making enough money to support myself but the thing is, I have to pick up my Lithium tomorrow (which is my expensive medicine) AND I have a doctor's appointment this coming Thursday. Combined that's nearly $200, which sucks. But I try to remind myself that I'll very rarely have those two expenses happen out of the same check (I only have to go to the doctor every 3 months), and that I get paid again the day after my doctor's appt., so really, I'll be fine. Still, it's a little daunting.
So that's that. Hopefully I get to feeling better soon, and hopefully this cycle doesn't suck too badly.
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