Online Dating

Confession: I have a profile on Match.com.  I have for a couple months now, but I rarely think about it or check it.  It was made from a combination of being bored one night and just kind of being curious about what's out there.

It's not something I'm taking seriously right now.  I don't know that it's something I'll ever be able to take seriously, to be honest, because I'm not a huge fan of online dating.  I know it works for some people, and I know people who have ended up happily married after meeting online, and more power to them--but still, I just don't think it's for me.  Right now my profile is set to look for men in Washington state, not AZ, because come on--I'm definitely not going to meet anyone here in Flagstaff (hipsters, hippies, and arrogant college kids . . . um, no thanks) and I have no interest in moving to Phoenix.  Besides, I have no intention of staying in AZ (my goal is actually to move next year) and I feel like I'd probably end up meeting someone who did want to stay here.

I don't have a paid account on Match yet, because I just don't see the point right now.  Maybe somewhere down the road I'll try a little harder at it but . . . not yet.  But I do know that I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone and it doesn't hurt to look, right?

When I do randomly remember to sign on and browse through my daily matches, it's usually a little exciting at first and then, by the time I'm on the last one, I just feel depressed.  I finally realized that it's because looking at guys and reading about why I should date them eventually just makes me remember that I already found someone and that I already know who I want to be with.  The thought of starting over and trying to connect to someone else the same way is . . . daunting, to say the least.  Very, very daunting.

Speaking of that person, back at the beginning of September I talked to a co-worker about him, and she basically was all, "Girl, go for what you want!  You need to make a bold move!"  (That's a direct quote, I swear).  So after a couple weeks of hesitating, I tried calling him.  Which failed, because cell service where he is kind of sucks.  But I tried a few times and when that didn't work, I Facebooked him.  I didn't say much, just what I wanted and needed him to hear, and I'm waiting to hear back.  It's been 2.5 weeks and I have to be honest, my hopes aren't high.  I needed to try, though, because not saying what I needed to say was becoming a bigger burden than finally gathering the thoughts and putting them out there.

I know that right now all I can do is be patient and wait for fate to do its thing.  I truly believe that whatever's meant to be will be, and in the end I really just want to know that I tried everything I could to make things go how I wanted them to.  And I've done that, I think.  For now I'm just going to continue to focus on myself: my job, my life, my writing, my health.  Pretty much what I've been doing all this year, just with a more happy, at peace mentality about it, if that makes sense.