And Back Again

I don't want to say that everything I wrote about here was a lie.

But.

The high from that moment has definitely worn off a little.

Lately I find myself thinking about him.  Quite a bit.  I'm sure it has something to do with the holidays but that doesn't make it any less frustrating.

I'm lonely.  And I miss him.  And at the end of the day, regardless of how much I know that my life will go on either way, I'd still welcome that conversation.

But that moment in November was still a good thing.  A very good thing.  It's allowed me to really and truly envision a future without him in a good way.  I've let go of him in a big way, and that's good.

So I guess I'm clarifying.  I meant what I said before.  I'm confident in myself and my ability to just live my life.  I'm confident that whatever's ahead of me is bright and awesome and wonderful.  I'm happy now, and I'm going to continue to be happy.  I don't doubt that.  I'm strong and mentally healthy and I like my life.  Those things aren't going anywhere, and they most definitely do not hinge on whether or not he's a part of my life.

But I also still love him.  And I still think that we're supposed to be together.  And if the opportunity to make things work out between us came up, I'd take it.  Without hesitating.

I'll probably write about it more later.  But for now . . . that's that.