It's Beginning To Look A Lot Like . . .

Christmas.  And misery.

Seriously, the closer we get to the holiday the worse my mood gets.  I'm angry and sad and anxious and just generally not feeling so hot.

Sometimes I start to look forward to going home and spending the holidays with my family.  But it's off and on, it comes and goes.

I don't want to spend the holiday alone.  I've talked about why it's hard before.  I just . . . I don't know.  This is the time of the year I least want to be single and that I most want things to work out with my ex.  And it's so fucking stupid.  It's been almost two fucking years now . . . wake the hell up and take a hint, Ica.

I feel like such a moron.

I want to stay here for Christmas.  I want to take some Remeron and just sleep through it.  Wake up after the new year, when it doesn't matter as much that I've got nobody.  Just get through it and have 11 months of being OK before I have to do this shit again.

Edit:  After I finished this post my sister texted me and asked if I wanted to have dinner with her and Austin, because they came up here after doing the Polar Express in Williams.  And let me tell you, Austin makes everything better.