Tonight in my internet rounds, I came across an article on MSNBC.com that talked about how marriage proposals are becoming bigger and bigger and more public events; about how so many men now propose in big public ways, like with flash mobs or on stage at concerts for whatever. And how there are apparently event planners now who specialize in this sort of thing. I was reading the article about midway through I came across this quote:
"Sure, you can have an intimate proposal between two people--but that's not the way a couple or a family live their lives together. They live their lives connected to hundreds of other people. This kind of a proposal takes it to a more natural place where you get to share this moment with people who care about you and hundreds of other people as well."
And it really just kind of caught my attention and made me think.
The guy who said this has a point. We are very, very social beings these days, and we live in a place and time where it's really easy to connect to other people. We share our whole lives with people without even blinking--I mean, look at this blog. It's public, but I don't mind in the least that there are potentially strangers reading it. We're almost trained to share our lives anymore. I don't really think it's necessarily a bad thing; a lot of good has come from having a world that is so interconnected in so many ways. I think sharing so much can make us feel validated, almost, and that's why we're so drawn to work. Networking definitely has its advantages.
BUT. The thought of sharing some of the most beautiful moments of my life with hundreds of complete strangers is something I don't like the sound of. I have no problem discussing some elements of my personal life or venting online to strangers. But there are definitely some things I want kept to myself.
I firmly believe that there are some parts of our lives that should still be private, and love/marriage is one of them. Obviously we all talk about those things with people to an extent, but at the same time, I think that when two people are in love or married there should be some things that are only between them. I mean, isn't that the point of a serious relationship? That it's different than any of the other relationships in your life? Closer, more intimate? That's what I think--that a marriage should be an intimate thing that doesn't involve hundreds of other people, and that there's nothing wrong with that.
I felt very strongly about this when Corey and I started discussing forever, and I realized I'd be getting engaged or married. I thought about what I really wanted out of those things. I knew I wanted an intimate proposal, and it was; Corey and I were hiking in Sedona, along the Oak Creek, when he asked me to marry him, and I've never told anyone exactly what he said when he did it. Just because I want it to be ours alone. It was beautiful, and I think that if I'd been being watched by a ton of other people, I'd have hated it. Because it was just the two of us . . . I don't know, it felt like there was some kind of promise in that. The engagement was really the beginning of the rest of our lives (or so I imagined it to be at the time) and since it was just us, it felt like that was what I was agreeing to. That I was saying yes to there always being an us--that at the end of the day, whatever was going on in our lives, good or bad, it would come down to the two of us. Cheesy, I know, but totally true.
Then as we started to plan the wedding the question of who would be our Maid of Honor and Best Man came up. I won't lie, I didn't really have anyone I could ask. I don't have a lot of good friends. Well, there's Jerbs, but given that she's my ex, her being in the wedding seemed like a no no. So it probably would have been one of my sisters, and I didn't want to have to choose just one of them. Corey had someone in mind but they hadn't talked in a long time so it wasn't a for sure thing. I stressed over this, trying to figure out who I could see standing by my side when I said my vows, and eventually, I realized that I didn't want anyone there. I wanted (and Corey agreed with this) it to just be Corey and me at the altar. That made sense to me. It felt more intimate that way--it felt like the way I wanted to start our life together. I honestly think that once I thought it over that's what I would want regardless of whether or not I have an obvious choice for Maid of Honor. It's still what I want for my someday wedding, whether it's with Corey or not.
Really, when I was with Corey, especially after we moved in together, my favorite parts of our relationship were the just us times. I loved going home together, and that the day always ended and began with us alone. (Again, cheesy as hell . . . but true).
I'm not saying that engagements and weddings aren't awesome things that shouldn't be shared with friends and family. I just think that our society tends to focus more on those things than the actual marriage. And this article insinuated at points that people are feeling more social pressure to make those parts of their lives huge, public spectacles, and I think that's sad. There's nothing wrong with wanting intimacy over exposure, in my opinion.
Besides, a fancy, elaborate, public proposal doesn't mean you're more loved than anyone else. It doesn't mean your marriage is going to be better because of it. And it doesn't matter either how big the engagement ring is or how many people are in your wedding or at your wedding or how much the dress cost or how much you spend on the honeymoon. I mean, there's nothing wrong with those things, but not one of them guarantees a successful marriage. And the engagement doesn't last forever, and the wedding's only a day, but the marriage is forever.
Anyway. Just my opinion of the matter.
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