This Pain is MY Pain

One of my biggest pet peeves is people who always tell you that it could be worse when you're not doing well.

I hate it even more when people go into specifics.  When they say things like, "Well, at least you aren't [somewhere currently affected by a natural disaster] [suffering from some awful disease like so and so] [dealing with blah blah blah like so and so] [whatever other specific example you can think of]."

I know that sentiment is rarely, if ever, meant as an insult or a negative.  I think generally when people say it they're trying to remind you to count your blessings.  I respect that, and being reminded to be thankful isn't necessarily a bad thing.  And yes, most of those examples are, objectively, worse than what I'm going through.  Right now, I'm going through a break up, and yes, I'd rather be dealing with this than a natural disaster or a bad medical diagnosis or a lot of other things.

But that doesn't mean I'm not hurting.  It doesn't mean that what I'm going through isn't the worst thing to me.  It doesn't mean that whatever I'm going through is meaningless in comparison to what anyone else is going through.  This is my obstacle right now, and it feels like hell.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not trying to say that other peoples' pain doesn't matter or that I don't keep those I know who are dealing with some bad things in my thoughts and prayers.  It does and I do.  Absolutely.

I just don't like the concept of comparing grief and pain.  It's not a contest.  And honestly, if it was a contest, is it one you'd really want to win?

I think everyone has their own pain to deal with, whether it's something tremendous like losing parts of their lives to a natural disaster, or something not quite as tremendous as being dumped a month before your wedding.  And I think we should respect one another's pain--respect the fact that it exists and is real to them, even if we can't see it.  Does that make sense?  Just because you think someone else might be hurting more, it doesn't mean that the person you're talking to isn't hurting.

When people confide in me about whatever it is they're going through, I never tell them it could be worse.  I only tell them it'll get better, and that I'll listen if they need someone to talk to, and that if I can help them some other way, I will.  If I catch myself thinking that they don't know crap about grief or pain based on what I've gone through myself, I tell myself to shut up.  Because their pain is theirs and I don't know what it feels like to them.