2 Years

As I posted that lovely entry about being sick, I noticed the date: April 18th.  It's a significant date because it was on April 18th, 2011 that I went to my first appointment with my current doctor, when I was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder.

Which means that today marks the 2 year anniversary of my real journey to getting better.

I'm not even really sure what I want to say about this, but I feel like I should say something.

First and foremost, I can't believe it was two years ago that I got help but that it's only been about 8 months-ish that I've actually been really, truly better.  I still feel a little bit ashamed of that, but at the same time, better late than never.  I never expected things to go the way they did but I never expected getting better to be easy, either.

Corey took me to that first appointment.  I remember shaking like a leaf the whole way there because I was so nervous; I think he took my hand and said a prayer for me before we went into the office.  My doctor turned out to be amazing--smart and competent and willing to really listen--and I was incredibly impressed with him, especially considering we only chose him because he was the first doctor Corey called who took uninsured patients.  I owe a lot to my doctor.

That appointment lasted an hour and a half and cost $235.  I paid some, Corey paid some, Jerbs paid some, and my mom paid some--it was definitely a group effort to get me there.

My head is still fuzzy so I think I'll just say thank you.  I owe thank yous to a lot of people in this but there's one in particular I feel like getting off my chest tonight . . . I'll write out the rest later, when my head's clear.

Thank you Corey, for finding me a good doctor and for getting me to that first appointment; thank you for insisting so fiercely that I was worth getting better.  I know that you meant it, and that you wanted me to get better because you loved me.  Even if that's not true now, I know that I wouldn't have gotten help if you hadn't pushed me to, and that I owe a lot of this to you.  I am grateful for your help.  I am also deeply, deeply sorry that you got hurt so much in the process; I hope that you can forgive me for that, and I hope that you know the girl who put you through all that pain and BS is not who I really am.  Regardless of what's happened between us, and regardless of what happens between us in the future, I'll remain grateful.

That's it for tonight.  I need to lie down.