An Icky Day

So even though I had a good time in Kingman and was definitely on an up when we got back, today was a difficult day.

I barely slept last night, woke up super late, was late to work (which wasn't a big deal but it still aggravated me), and then just felt off.  I felt kind of out of place at work today, which was strange.  I think it was just because being back in Kingman made me think of all the things I wanted there, and I just had this sense of . . . almost having suddenly remembered that Flagstaff isn't actually where I wanted to be right now.  That I wanted to be in Kingman, with my family, with Corey, that Flagstaff wasn't part of the plan.  Which isn't to say that Flagstaff hasn't been good for me and that I haven't done well here (I have a whole post coming about how I have), but still, I felt the regret come back a little.  It's an odd thing, wanting to be there but knowing I need to be here, and I think what I want is both: that life, but with this level of mental health.  And I try not to think about how I probably will never live in Kingman again and how I won't get a second shot at that life.

I had so much fun hanging out with my family but I know I would have been happier if I'd been going home to Corey.

Anyway.  On top of all that I really didn't want to take the rental car back because I liked driving myself to work.  And I was too tired to work out which frustrated me.

So really not the best Monday, but I'm confident that tomorrow will be better (a good night's sleep fixes a lot of things), I'm confident that Flagstaff has been the right move for now even if it's not what I want long term, and I'm confident that things with Corey and I will eventually work out however they're supposed to.