Hands down the hardest part about leaving is explaining it to Austin. He knows I'm going to Flagstaff, but he keeps asking if I'm coming back "after Flagstaff." And I've tried to tell him that I'll definitely come back and visit but that I'm not sure if I'll ever be back to stay. And he doesn't get it.
I promised him I'd come back for his birthday though, which made him happy.
He told me he loved me and that he'll miss me bunches, and I told him he has to make his mom bring him to visit me in Flagstaff and he said ok. He also asked me a few times where Flagstaff is and I tried to explain it but . . . well, he didn't really get it.
I love that little boy like he was my own, and the best part of moving back to Kingman was getting to be a part of his life. I was so sad when he was born because I lived in Flagstaff then, and I hated that I didn't get to be a part of his life. I didn't like coming to visit and him only sort of knowing who I was. But now he's my little buddy, and we have stuff that we like to do together and little inside jokes, and I freaking love it. He's such a great kid.
I am really really really going to miss him.
I don't want to leave. I beyond don't want to leave. The closer it gets the more I dread it, the worse the anxiety gets. There are times when I feel so anxious about it that I actually want to grab Corey and scream and cry for him to not make me go, to let me stay.
Sucks.
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