2 Months

As of today I've been back in Flagstaff for two months.

Two.  Freaking.  Months.

That is just so bizarre to me.

I miss:
--having a car and not taking the bus
--the Kingman store and how organized and well run it is
--my awesome co-workers
--Anytime Fitness/working out in general (God I feel out of shape right now)
--orchestra
--bell choir (really I just miss having any kind of musical activity in my life)
--playing Legos/going to the park/watching Toy Story/painting/reading/whatever with Austin (so so much)
--hanging out with my mom and dad just whenever
--having my sisters nearby
--Herkimer, Gatsby, Bernard, Edgar (RIP), and the fishies
--sleeping in a real, comfortable, big bed
--having enough closet space for my clothes
--my sewing machine (definitely a priority as far as what I bring up next)
--having a kitchen I could cook in
--my big bathroom and deep bathtub and awesome showerhead
--sex (a lot)
--date nights
--Ex-Fiance and pretty much everything that goes with that

But even with all the things I miss, I do think that moving back to Flagstaff was the best choice in light of the situation.  I was thinking the other day of what the past two months would have been like if I was in Kingman, and I think it would have been awful.

I was just thinking of going out in Kingman and worrying that I'd run into him, or wondering what he was doing at any given time, or going to orchestra or bells and not knowing how to act around him or what to say to him . . . it doesn't sound pleasant.  And granted, I wonder what he's doing from time to time but somehow it's easier up here, because I can't really do anything about it.  Whereas in Kingman I think the temptation to drive by the house or even just call him would be really awful.  I also think about wanting to go out or needing to go grocery shopping and having to call my mom or dad or ask my sister for a ride, and I don't like that idea.  Even though the bus kinda sucks, it's more independence than I'd have in Kingman.

I still miss that life.  Some days my mind will be on something totally unrelated and it'll hit me out of nowhere--I had a whole other life for a while.  I was doing something completely different and it's such a weird feeling and thought.  But at the same time I think that with the advantage of hindsight I see how much I needed to work on myself and how unhappy I was at points.  So in that respect, I'm . . . well, I'm not glad this happened by any means, but I understand why it was necessary.  I just need to be patient and take things day by day and see what happens.  If Ex-Fiance and I are meant to be we'll be.

Two months down and . . . I don't really know how long to go, but we'll see!