A Milestone

Last night I entered my first creative writing contest.

I'm pretty excited about it!

I'm also just pretty excited that I finished a writing project in general.

I finished a writing project!!  That's something I haven't done in a long, long time.  The last time I finished a writing project was before I met Corey, and that particular project was only semi-original.  And I have wanted to be a writer since I was 5 years old.  So this is kind of a big freaking deal.

And who knows?  Maybe I'll win or place.  Even if I don't, I'm still damn proud of myself for being able to finish something to enter.

Just the fact that something is finished feels amazing to me.  This particular short story is one I've had in my head for years and in a way, I feel like a weight is lifted now that I've finally used the idea.  And my confidence has definitely gotten a boost--if I could finish that project then I can finish more.

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But there is also something bittersweet in this.  And it has to do with Corey (are you surprised?).

Finishing a writing project means I did something for myself.  I did something because I enjoy doing it and it is an interest of mine.  I did something that is potentially a part of the career I see for myself, and that puts me closer to being a successful writer.  And there is just this odd sense of life going on, and it's kind of weird to think that I'm living for myself and working on myself when this huge part of my life just ended and this huge part of myself still feels completely wrecked from it, if that makes sense.

I guess it shows me that I can do it.  That whatever is or isn't going on with me and Corey, I've got my own life to live.  And it makes me feel like I can do all the other things I need to do, like therapy and all that.  And that's a good thing.
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I'll know by Dec. 31st what the results of the contest are.  Fingers crossed!!