Some Frustrations

I'm starting to get very irritated with the whole job search thing.  Hastings continues to go downhill . . . I only have 11 hours and 45 minutes this week . . . which is a bit better than five hours but still not enough to matter.  I seriously don't even feel like I have a job anymore.

At this point I've started applying for both full and part time jobs.  I WANT to be working full time, but at this point I figure something that's part time but consistent is better than Hastings.  I mean, I think it'll be better to have something that's guaranteed 20 hours a week, as opposed to something that's 24 hours one week and 5 the next.

I try to tell myself that it's temporary.  That whatever job I get that's part time, it won't be my job forever, and something full time will come along.  Take it one day at a time and blah blah blah.  There are just so many things I want and need to buy, dammit!!

I am also trying really, really hard to keep my mind off the fact that the day after tomorrow is or would be or whatever my 2 year anniversary with Corey.  9-20 is not going to be an easy day for me.  Some part of me is always hoping that he'll tell me he still loves me and still hopes to work it out, and I think deep down some part of my brain has always been like, wouldn't it be awesome if that happened on the anniversary.

I know.  I'm kidding myself and being stupid.

But I've actually been doing OK lately.  My mood's been a lot more stable, I've been doing a lot better with taking my medicine consistently, I've been doing well with working out, I haven't had fast food for the past two days now so . . . y'know, I'm not doing horribly right now.  Plus I've been writing, and that is just such a huge deal for me.

Life just feels . . . scattered right now.  Like there's a lot that needs to be done and not a lot of resources/ability to do it, and that gets frustrating.

Like I said, it's all about one day at a time.  Sometimes I find myself thinking I'll get there, but really, I AM there . . . because it's about the journey, not the destination.  I firmly believe that.