Dear Ex-Fiance

Dear Ex-Fiance,

The hardest part of this is how you basically just ignore me now.

Why is it that you act affectionate when we see each other?  When I tell you face to face that I love you, you say it back.  When I text it to you I get nothing.  And . . . I don't get it.  I mean, I know I shouldn't be telling you I love you at all, but I do love you and I can't just not tell you that.

I really am trying to be patient.  But you said you'd always love me as a friend so . . . I don't know, maybe act like it.  Some days I ask Jerbs if she's heard from you and she tells me you ask how I am and how I'm doing.  I have a phone too.  You could just . . . ask me.

Sometimes my head still goes crazy wondering why you do this.  Is it hard for you to talk to me because you know what my feelings about us are and you don't want to lead me on?  Or is it that you still have feelings to me and too much contact makes you want to work things out now?

I don't know.  I hope it's the latter.  Really I hope it's anything but the former.  But how do you do it?  How do you just . . . stop like that?  I hate not talking to you; there are moments when I want to talk to you so badly that it's all I can do not to break down and call you.  When that happens my gut feeling is that you don't want to hear from me anyway and I'd only be let down by the conversation, and I don't want to put myself through that.

I hate not talking to you and you seem completely fine never speaking to me.  It makes me wonder if you ever cared about me the way you said you did.

Love,
Jessica