One Week

Today marked one week that I've been in Flagstaff.

Today was also the first bad day I've had.

I don't know why.  I woke up grouchy.  Maybe because I'm broke (since I had to spend my entire last paycheck moving), maybe because it was Sunday and the buses were on the limited schedule so I was cooped up at home all day, maybe because I just really, really miss Corey.

It's starting to sink in, I think.  I texted him yesterday (nothing sweet or romantic at all, just a picture of a kitten--totally meaningless) and I never heard back.  I haven't spoken to him since the 4th and that's irritating.  I want to text him and tell him I love him but I'm trying to hold off, because I don't want to be crazy clingy.  And if it's legit over then . . . I need to get over it.

He'll be here in a week, passing through on his way home from Chinle, and I told him I wanted him to stop in and say hello and hang out for a while.  Now, though, I'm starting to wonder if that's a bad idea, and wondering if I should tell him not to bother.  Because I know that his indifference will hurt and I know that after this visit, I honestly don't know when I'll see him again.  That terrifies me.  I probably won't tell him not to come though, because my hope is that if I told him not to come, he'd ask me to reconsider because he wants to see me but . . . that won't happen, because the truth is, he doesn't want to see me.

I just want him back.  I want to live the life we planned together, so much.

At the same time, I want the job I applied for here, very badly.

This sucks.  I've been doing well and now I feel myself slipping.  This is going to be the hard part--the actual getting over him.