Dear Ex-Fiance

Dear Ex-Fiance,

Sometimes I feel so angry with you, because I think, I can't do this alone.  I can't get better by myself.  You promised to help me and I need your help.  And I get angry because you decided you didn't want to help me, that you'd rather live your own life.

But then I remember that you did help me, and you tried to help me; you did everything you could for me.  And I refused to let you.  I refused to be helped.  And you eventually realized that I'd never be able to get better with you and I the way we were.

That, really, is the point of this: I never would have gotten better while I was trying to focus on my relationship with you.  I need to get better on my own.

And sometimes I think that it's unfair that I need to change who I am to be with you.  But I know it's not wrong to ask someone to change the worst, most toxic parts of themselves, the part of themselves that is an illness.  And I'm not getting better for you anyway--I'm getting better for me.

I just loved how willing you were to stand by me through the mental illness, and I hope that someday you're that willing to stand by me again.

Love,
Jessica