I'm almost 30 fucking years old and I haven't done shit with my life. And I don't know what the fuck I want to do at fucking all. And really at this point who fucking cares? I'm too old to do shit.
I'm almost 30 and I have a job that gives me 9 fucking hours a week and pays 8 fucking dollars a Goddamn hour. I have a degree that's less than fucking useless. For that degree I have a $40000 fucking debt that I can't pay off.
I take the bus with a whole bunch of other fucking losers who didn't do shit with their lives either. And before long I'll get to do it in the fucking snow!!! Isn't that just fanfuckingtastic?????
I have mental disorders that prevent me from just being able to live my fucking life. And why do I have them? Because Grammo and PopPop, my maternal grandparents, were fucking pedos who got off on little girls. In particular, me. Sometimes I honestly believe that I'm being punished for their sins.
It's just not fucking fair. They were perverted fuckers and they got to live normal lives, but I can't have shit because of them.
And then there's Corey, who just fucking ignores me. Who acts like I don't exist. Who is probably already fucking some other girl in our bed (best of luck to you, Future Mrs. Whitney #3!) Who dumped me on the last day of school, who fucked me out of MY FUCKING LIFE. So fuck him. Fuck him. I'm sure his life is just gloriously perfect without me in it, and that's just fine. Fuck him and his perfect life with his good job and his free car and his parents paying off his fucking student loans. Fuck him for thinking I'm not good enough, for thinking my family isn't good enough. Fuck him.
I hope he gets his heart broken like this someday. I hope he finds some wonderful amazing girl who is everything he ever wanted in a partner. And then I hope that right when he's ready to commit himself to her for life, she rips his heart out, stomps on it, and kicks him in the balls on her way out the door.
Fuck it all. I hate my life.
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