Once when we were shopping at Cost Plus World Market, we were looking at a day bed thing, and I said I wanted to have one of those in my home office someday. I said it was where I could sleep when we fought, and Ex-Fiance laughed and said we'd never have fights like that.
I almost always went to bed later than Ex-Fiance. Some nights when I'd climb into bed, he'd half wake up and tell me he loved me or that I was beautiful. Other nights, if he'd been dreaming, he'd say funny stuff--once he told me he was trying to get the class' attention; once he told me to go move my clip up (a disciplinary thing from his class room).
Once when we were first dating we took a trip to Hobby Lobby with Jerbs. Jerbs bought me something while we were there, and on the drive home I said, "I love my pillow, thank you Jerbs!" And Ex-Fiance said, "I love my Jessica, thank you God." I'll never forget that.
I used to love looking back at the percussion section during orchestra and seeing him there. I loved that, a good chunk of the time, I'd look back to find him looking at me too.
The first time I went to Chinle with him it was over Halloween weekend; Halloween fell on that Sunday. We ended up staying late enough to hand out candy with his family, and once that was over, we went to a family friend's house. She had a fire going and a bunch of people from the hospital over and Ex-Fiance pulled me away from the crowd at one point and slow danced with me. It was amazing. Later that night when we got back to Flagstaff, Ex-Fiance asked me to marry him, and even though he'd asked before "for fun," that night I felt like he meant it completely for the first time.
A few months after we started dating it snowed for the first time that winter. Ex-Fiance suggested we start a tradition: the first snow ornament. The deal was that every year on the day of the first snow (or as close to it as possible) we'd buy a new ornament for our tree together. We bought a Polar Express ornament in 2010, and a romantic Christmas tree one in 2011. I loved that tradition.
Ex-Fiance'd never had a real Christmas tree before we met; I grew up with real trees and only had fake ones in my dorms/apartments. So last Christmas, since it was our first Christmas living together, we got a real tree. We named him Percival and decorating him together was so much fun. We decorated our whole house too, because we both love Christmas. We spent our first Christmas together in Chinle with his family, and waking up next to him on Christmas morning was so wonderful.
One day in September of 2010 Ex-Fiance took me to the Deer Farm. After that we spontaneously drove to Kingman and he got to meet my family for the first time. When we got back to Flagstaff I decided to spend the night at his place for the first time. Of course we stayed up late talking (like always) and on this night I confessed to Ex-Fiance that I have a phobia type issue with sunrises. (Long story, related to my anxiety disorder). And after I told him that he kind of paused. And then he told me that it didn't scare him and it didn't weird him out at all; then he said that all he wanted was to be the one who was with me when I could watch a sunrise and be OK. I think that was the moment that I knew that I wanted to be with him forever. I mean, I'd had an idea since our first date, but that moment cemented it.
Anyway. I don't know why I'm putting this all down here. It's just where my head's been the past few days. These are the things I want back, because no, things weren't perfect between us but . . . damn, we had some beautiful moments.
No comments:
Post a Comment