I thought that at least something would have gone right.
That I'd have found a full time job. But I haven't.
That my treatment would be going well. But it's not. I did get my labwork done but I don't know the lab's turn around time so . . . who knows when it'll actually do me any good.
That Corey would have contacted me more and maybe told me he loved me; that we'd have had a conversation about us and established that there's hope for our future. But I never hear from him. I stopped contacting him a few days ago because I was sick of being the clingy loser who needed him and it's clearly made no difference to him whatsoever.
If I could have just ONE of those three things I'd feel infinitely better. But instead I feel like my life is epically failing in all three areas where I want it to improve.
I have never felt so lost or miserable, and I've never felt such an intense sense of desperation before.
I feel like I can't catch a fucking break no matter how hard I try.
I just want Corey to come up here and hold me and tell me that it's going to be OK. It's so stupid to want that and to feel like I need it but . . . oh my God I do.
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