School starts for Ex-Fiance this Thursday, the 9th, and I'm very anxious about it. I'm anxious because I feel like his life is really actually moving on without me now. I'm anxious that he'll meet some pretty new teacher who's kind and sweet and not crazy and fall in love with her. I'm anxious that I won't get to wake up with him that morning and watch him get dressed and kiss him goodbye. (It's weird, but one of my favorite parts of living with him was watching him get dressed and ready for work in the morning).
Anyway. I guess ever since I got to Flagstaff I've kind of held out this hope that he'd call me on his first day of school to tell me about it. Just because I think we still have a connection and . . . well, I kind of hope he'd want to tell me about it.
But I know that's not going to happen. He's not going to call me or text me on Thursday, because he just never does.
And I know my heart's going to break. But at least I can anticipate these things now.
I have more to write about, like how I'm now totally unmedicated, how I can hardly focus long enough to shower, how I'm sick of no one calling me for a damn job, how Hastings is only giving me 9 hours of work next week, how badly I want to work on some creative writing projects and how frustrating it is that my head won't let me, and how I just hope like hell that once my labs are done the results get to my doctor fast and I have med refills by the end of the week--but I'm too tired to go into any detail right now.
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