Seattle

I was so looking forward to writing this post.  For a long time I'd imagined coming back from my trip and writing a blog post about how insanely awesome Seattle was and what a fantastic time I'd had there, and unfortunately, that's not the post I'm going to write.

It has nothing to do with Seattle.  I actually really loved Seattle, and I definitely felt a deep soul kind of connection to the PNW.  I definitely still want to move there.

But.  I got sick right before we left, and spent my entire vacation just getting sicker.  I felt like total shit most of the time we were there; there was one day where I felt mostly OK.  So yeah.  Definitely not the trip I'd imagined and definitely not how I wanted my first impression of Seattle to be, and I'm still pretty effing disappointed.  But what can you do, right?

We left on a Tuesday.  The Sunday before that Tuesday, I woke up with a really, really sore throat.  Ever the optimist, I told myself it was nothing and that I'd just slept with my mouth open and/or too close to my fan or something like that.  But I was really tired all day too.  The next morning (the day before we left) I had a sore throat, ear pain, chest congestion, and a runny nose.  Lovely.

I definitely wasn't going to skip the trip, though, so we got up at the butt crack of dawn on Tuesday and made our way to Las Vegas.  We stopped in Kingman and dropped the dogs off with my mom and sister, they were thrilled to be there!  They seriously love my mom, I think they'd live with her if they could.  We also stopped in to see Jerbs' parents, they are very not happy about this move, but that's for another post.

We got to the airport a little behind schedule, but then checking our bags and getting through security went waaaaay faster than we'd expected.  We had time to chill at the airport and eat breakfast and that was actually really nice.  I bought cough drops at the airport too, because my throat was killing me.  Our flight left on time, I let Jerbs have the window seat for the trip and I was in the middle of the row.  The guy next to me took off his shoes which was disgusting, but other than that it was a good flight.  It was Jerbs' first ever flight and she did great with it!  I was proud of her.  The only bad part of the flight (other than the barefoot guy) was how my ears felt when we landed.  They already hurt since I was sick, so the popping as we descended felt absolutely awful, I legit almost cried.  And to top it off, my left ear never unpopped, I couldn't hear out of it until Saturday.  That was awesome.

But we made it to Seattle.  I teared up when we were off the plane, because I was just so overwhelmed that we were FINALLY there.  This was a trip that had been put off and postponed so many times because of all the bullshit that went on in my life, and I just felt so good to have overcome that.  As soon as we were off the plane, even when we were inside the airport, we could just feel water in the air.  That was nice.  We got our rental car and drove to our hotel, which ended up being not nearly as nice as expected, so that was disappointing.  It was definitely NOT worth what I paid for it.  And since I was sick I was even grumpier about it than I would have been.  We had dinner at a restaurant next to the hotel, then found a Rite Aid not far from where we were staying so I could buy cold medicine and Vicks.  After we got back to the hotel Jerbs fell asleep and I watched the finale of DWTS (because even vacation couldn't stop me from watching Nyle win! I called that shit from night one!).  I didn't sleep well that night.

On Wednesday we did touristy stuff.  We went to the Space Needle, which I actually thought was really cool.  Maybe because it is such a touristy place, I was expecting it to be a little underwhelming, but it was awesome.  The views are just incredible, and I had the best Italian soda ever at the little cafe at the observation deck.  My purse broke while we were there, though, which, combined with being sick, made me think maybe Seattle just didn't want me in it.  I am not exactly rational when sick and away from home.  I definitely want to go to the Space Needle again, and this time I want to do it at night.  After the Space Needle we had lunch at a pizza/biscuit place in downtown Seattle, and it was delicious but overpriced.  Then we made our way to Pike's Place Market, which is about when I started to just . . . fade.  I felt so sick and yucky.  But we explored the market, and I got this amazing hazelnut pastry at a place called Piroshky Piroshky.  Seriously one of the best things I've ever eaten, it was incredible.  There was also one of those living statue guys and he tried to grab me as I passed him, and I was so out of it I didn't react.  He was disappointed haha.  I think at this point I was running a fever and I was exhausted, so Jerbs and I walked to a Target on the next block and I bought Nyquil so I could sleep.  That night I took Nyquil as soon as we got to the hotel (or maybe when we got in the car to leave Pike's, I don't remember) and just PTFO'd.  It was glorious.

The next day, Thursday, we drove to Tacoma, ostensibly to look at some apartments.  Right off the bat, Tacoma didn't give us a great vibe.  Not necessarily a bad vibe but . . . I don't know, it didn't feel very homey.  It didn't feel like somewhere we could live.  We stopped for lunch at a restaurant we'd heard about before our trip, called Pacific South.  I'd been looking forward to their biscuits and gravy, and then the gravy just tasted like onions, so that wasn't great.  Then we went to one of the complexes we'd liked there, and the woman in the leasing office was extremely rude to us and impatient with us, and that was kind of the last straw for Tacoma.  I'm sure it's a lovely place but after that, I kind of said to Jerbs that I wasn't really feeling it.  She agreed.  We'd planned to spend the whole day there, exploring and getting a feel for the town, but I really wanted to see Olympia.  So we drove to Olympia.  We explored a little park on the waterfront there and then just drove around, looking at the city.  And we really liked it, and we really thought it seemed like somewhere we could live.  We went back to Seattle and went to Ikea, because we were right near it and I love Ikea and we want to get new furniture when we move.  Also I love those meatballs.  Then we went to a sushi place, because Jerbs wanted sushi.  She liked the place we tried, I just got stir fry and it wasn't bad.  Then we went back to our hotel.  I think this was the night that I had a minor freak out about being sick and decided I wanted to go home.  I just like to be home when I'm sick, and I wanted to be in my own bed with my dogs, so I definitely had an I don't care how much it costs I am leaving right now moment.  Jerbs talked me down.  The Nyquil helped.

The next day, Friday, we went to Olympia.  Olympia is 65 miles south of Seattle, but it took 3 hours to get there.  The highway was just packed, presumably with people heading out of town for the long weekend.  Finally got to Olympia, went to the complex we really liked, and actually met the manager and everything.  She was great.  The complex was full so she wasn't able to show us an actual apartment, but we saw the clubhouse, and she said it's pretty much the same flooring/appliances/cabinetry as the apartments, so we have a good idea of what it feels like.  We really liked this place, and it's very reasonably priced, so it's our first choice.  Since we got there so late that was the only place we got to go to, but we did have dinner at this pizza place called Vic's and it was amazing.  While we were there, after we'd ordered, this couple came in with their daughter.  They approached us and said they'd never been there and asked how to order, and I think being mistaken as a local is a good sign we can live in Olympia!

On Saturday, I actually felt OK enough to do something.  We started with brunch at this place called the Wandering Goose, seriously incredible biscuits and gravy.  They're known for their biscuits, and for good reason.  Then we went back to Pike's.  It was much more crowded on a Saturday than Wednesday (not surprising) but I was happy to be there without being miserable.  Jerbs wanted a Piroshky, and the line was super long, so while she waited I went to a little souvenir kind of shop and got stuff for my family.  (I pretty much got everyone mugs, I got Jillian a bag, and I got Austin and my dad Seattle shirts.  I also got Dad a can coozy with the skyline on it, and I got Austin a Seahawks pennant).  After we wandered some more, we went to the pier and took the ferry to Bainbridge Island.  That was actually my favorite part of the trip, it was so much fun to be out on the water.  It was cold and cloudy and windy but Jerbs and I sat on the deck the whole time.  On the island, we went for a walk on the Waterfront Trail, which was beautiful, and then we explored the downtown area.  We got pastries at a bakery and then ice cream at this awesome little ice cream store, it was so tasty.   Then we took the ferry back to Seattle, and the view of the city skyline under the grey sky as you're approaching it was just unbelievable.  One of the prettiest things I've ever seen.  I was so happy.  After the ferry we had dinner at a Mexican place in Renton, because I wanted to try at least one Mexican restaurant while we were there.  It was delicious.  Then it was back to the hotel to pack.

On Sunday we headed for the airport.  We had a mild moment of panic because since the airline we were flying on was so new to the area, they did not have a dedicated customer service counter.  So we had no idea where to go to check our bags.  That was a really shitty feeling but we did eventually figure it out and got our bags checked and all that.  Security was pretty quick too, which was nice, and then we found a Sbarro's right near our gate, so we had pizza for lunch.  (The Sbarro's in Flag closed quite awhile ago and we--especially Jerbs--miss it).  Then we flew home, and I got the window seat, but luckily for Jerbs, the person on the aisle was much better than the guy on our first flight.  She was a nice lady and she'd brought a coloring book, so definitely our kind of people!  This flight was a little less smooth, I had fallen asleep and we hit turbulence bad enough to wake me up and make us have to put our seat belts back on.  The lady next to us was fascinated by the desert, she was talking about how she hadn't been to Vegas since she was 21 and eloped there, and we were telling her about living in AZ.  She really was lovely.

We got off the plane, got our bags, got the car (and paid the outrageous fee for parking at the airport for 5 days), and headed home.  We stopped in Kingman and picked up the dogs, then went to my dad's and then to Jerbs' parents.  (And OMG her parents were just terrible about the whole thing, her mom was going on and on about how she just can't see us living in Washington and do we know the cost of utilities and groceries and it was just ridiculous).  Eventually we got back to Flagstaff, Hollie was very happy to be home and the cats were happy to see us.  It felt so nice to sleep in my own bed!

So that's that, our trip to Seattle.  Like I said, not the trip I'd been dreaming of but still fun.  And really, not long from now we'll live an hour away from Seattle and we'll be able to visit whenever we want, so I'm not too worried about all the stuff I didn't get to do on this trip!

Let's Talk About April

April was pretty quiet (as most months tend to be lately).

Jerbs had a couple weekends off, so we got to hang out.  It was nice but a little weird, I love Jerbs and all but I guess I like my weekend alone time a little more than I realized.

The weather was pretty nice, minus a few random cold snaps.  We actually took the dogs to the pond one day, only to find a huge sign informing the public that the pond is now considered private property and only to be used by members of the country club, complete with a little "be prepared to show your membership card if asked" warning.  It was disappointing and absolutely infuriating.  I don't want to write too much about it because I've actually finally gotten over it.  But I will say that A) It's total BS because I'm pretty sure it was tax money, NOT private money, that built that pond, and B) the way this city caters and only cares about the wealthy and the college kids makes me sick, and is one of the many reasons Jerbs and I want to leave.

Also in April, Jerbs found out that the company she started working for in March (a locally owned urgent care) is not going to be locally owned for much longer, because the (apparently much greedier than originally thought) owners decided to sell the business to a national urgent care chain company.  They're still kind of in transition, and will be until mid-summerish.  No one over there is happy about it, and Jerbs is, of course, disappointed.  She worked for so long to get out of Staples and finally did and finally had a job she liked, and it's more or less been yanked out from under her.  So far, the new company says they won't make any major changes, but I don't really trust that.  They've also essentially made everyone go through the hiring process again.  Jerbs had to cut a trip to Phoenix short to go in and meet with the new HR people, and the deal was pretty much get your ass here or you're fired.  That was really, really frustrating (and probably illegal, since it was a scheduled day off, and the HR meeting was NOT scheduled).  At this point, I think her plan is to see through the transition, see what working for the new company is like, and then go from there as far as whether or not she stays.  I'm hoping it works out for the best because I just want her to be happy; I'm still super angry on her behalf though.  I'm also angry at yet ANOTHER locally owned place selling out to a chain.  Again, this seems to be part of the trend to just make Flagstaff another Phoenix, and I'm very not OK with that.

But enough of that.

One happy thing from this month has been that they finally hired someone to take on DME full time at MHC, which is a huge huge huge weight off my shoulders.  The new girl (who's actually a re-hire and not totally new to the company) started on the 20th.  I seriously counted down the days between when I found out and when she started.  I was just THAT excited.  So for the past week, I've been doing a lot of training at work, which I both like and dislike.  I won't lie, it's been kind of a painful process, and there have definitely been some moments where I've found myself thinking that it's not going to work out.  I just keep telling myself not to be too irritated, that she's only been learning it for a few days whereas I did it for a year so . . . of course it all looks super easy to me.  Hopefully it works out.  I just don't want to have to take DME back in 6 months.

I also found out this month that my dad's going to be moving (fairly soon?  not totally sure).  I guess his landlady (who's a long time family friend and also kind of his girlfriend, I don't really know what goes on there) is selling her house/property, which includes the little house my dad rents from her.  I won't lie, hearing that kind of freaked me out.  Some if is just worrying about my dad (although he did, very reassuringly, say to me, "Don fucking worry, Jessica, I have a plan.").  Some of it is just being sad at losing a place from my childhood.  This house is probably where I spent the most time as a kid, aside from the house I grew up in and my grandparents' house, and I think it's really the last significant place left, at least in my old neighborhood.  I kind of feel like my childhood is slowly being chipped away, and I hate that.  I want those memories and that time in my life to be a foundation for who I am as an adult, and losing that kind of sucks.  

So that was April.  Tomorrow I'm leaving for a weekend in Las Vegas with Theresa, her fiance, and her fiance's family.  We're going shopping for bridesmaid's dresses plus just, y'know, hanging out in Vegas.  I'm so excited I can hardly stand it!

Let's Talk About February

My blogging skills are horrible these days!  I feel bad neglecting this little space, but . . . well, I honestly just haven't really felt like blogging.  That's said, it's the end of April, so let's talk about February!  (Fair warning, it's a LONG entry).

February was a total roller coaster of a month--some really good things happened, and so did some really crappy things.

At the beginning of the month (the 6th, I think), I had my review at work (MHC), and absolutely killed it.  My boss pretty much told me I'm awesome, she's always impressed with me, and that she looks forward to seeing what I accomplish in my next year with the company.  Pretty high praise from my boss, because she doesn't say things like that lightly.  I was incredibly flattered/proud/happy.  Of course I got a raise (a good one).  Plus I got to enroll in the online CPC class just after my review, which is awesome!  I won't lie, the class is a little harder than I was expecting, but I'm glad I'm doing it.  I just keep thinking of being able to almost double my salary once I have my certification, which is a pretty decent incentive.

Not long after I had my review and all that, Jerbs got a new job!!  She's working at an urgent care now, doing front desk stuff, and she loves it.  She interviewed/got the job on the 13th, and gave Staples her two week notice on Valentine's Day, and her last day there was the 28th.  I'm so unbelievably happy for her!  She wanted to leave Staples for SO LONG and she finally got to!  It's been a really good change for her.  It was a little weird to pick her up at Staples for the last time, though.  I mean . . . she worked there for 7 years, and that time frame covers all kinds of major life events: us dating, our breakup, our first move to the east side, the entire whirlwind of me and Ex-Fiance, me coming back to Flagstaff . . . that's a lot!  I got a little weepy, but she was mostly like, "Fuck it!  I'm done!  Woohoo!!"  It's been good to see her so happy.

At the end of February (like the 22nd, I think), I went to an Eric Paslay concert.  He's kind of an up and coming country singer, and I really, really like him, and the tickets were only $25, so I figured why the hell not?  He performed at the Museum Club, which is this honky tonk bar in town (it's actually pretty well known throughout AZ, but I'd never been there).  I took my friend from work, Katie, and bought her ticket as a graduation gift, since she's in her last semester at NAU.  It was so much fun!!  And I was really proud of myself for, y'know, having a little bit of a social life and going out with someone who isn't Jerbs.

As for the bad . . .

Not surprisingly, it has to do with Stompy McFatAss, the wretch next door.

So February 9th (day before my effing birthday, mind you), I treated myself to Pita Jungle for dinner, and picked it up on my way home from work.  Also keep in mind that at this point, we hadn't heard anything from Stompy since that night in January when her apartment flooded and she had Jerbs call 911.  Also keep in mind that she hadn't complained about the dogs since June of 2014--so 9 months of relative peace had passed.  When I got home on the 9th, the dogs weren't barking, but when I got upstairs, there was a fucking noise warning on the door from the cops, AND a handwritten "anonymous" note from Stompy herself, saying that our dogs have been an issue for 2 years and that we had 48 hours to bark collar them or she was going to play the recordings she (supposedly) has of them "excessively barking."

Couple of things.  First of all, Stompy hasn't even lived here for 2 years, she moved in over 4th of July weekend in 2013, so she's about 5 months off on her time frame there.  Two, our dogs ARE collared whenever we're not at home, and if the batter in Max's died, I'm sorry.  But shit happens, and to go 9 months without a word and then have it escalate like that . . . fuck.  Three, I do not believe for even one nano second that this bitch has a recording of our dogs barking, and definitely not of them barking excessively.  Even if she DOES have a recording of our dogs, it's a moot point, because, fucking newsflash, if you stand on my porch by my living room window for 20 minutes to record shit, my dogs are going to bark at you!  They're dogs, you're trespassing, you're a threat, and that's just the way the damn world works.  I was more livid than you can imagine, and it wasn't long before that lividness gave way to a total breakdown.  I got anxious, convinced myself I was a worthless piece of shit, and bawled.  I called Jerbs at work and told her what happened.  At that point she called our complex and left a message asking about transferring our lease to somewhere else in the complex, because we were tired of our neighbor's shit.  After Jerbs got home, we talked it over and decided we needed to move--right away if they'd let us, at the end of our lease if they wouldn't.

That all went down on a Monday.  For the rest of the week, I refused to leave the dogs home alone, even with their collars.  I took early lunches, drove home to pick Jerbs and the dogs up, took Jerbs to work, and let the  dogs hang out in the car for the rest of the day.  On Tuesday (again, my freaking birthday), I got off work, promptly had an anxiety attack, and realized that I didn't want to be home alone either.  So I wandered around Bookman's, JoAnn, and Michael's, then sat in their shared parking lot until Jerbs was off at 8.  Definitely not the best birthday I've ever had, and I'm still pretty pissed that the bitch ruined my 18th birthday.

It was a shitty week.  I hated it, the dogs hated it, Jerbs hated it, everyone was miserable.  On Thursday, Jerbs finally heard back from the complex.  She said that at first, the manager was very customer service-y and chipper, told her that they don't usually do transfers without the lease being up, and asked which neighbor the issue was with to see if we could work something out.  Apparently, when Jerbs gave the apartment #, the manager's tone completely changed, and she was pretty much like OH, that bitch.  Apparently, we are far from the only ones who have complained about her, and she's an ongoing issue for the office.  The manager was actually pretty incredulous that she complained about the dogs, and flat out told Jerbs that no other neighbors have ever said a bad thing about us.  (Because, AGAIN, it's not a fucking issue)!  She also said that she came up here once to talk to the neighbor about something else, and she heard our dog bark like twice ("to let me know he was there," as she put it), then stop.  So she was basically like, yeah, sorry your neighbor's so nuts.

She said she'd see what she could do, and ultimately the answer was that we couldn't move right away, but they'd talk to the neighbor.  So while the no transfer was irritating, it was a tremendous relief to know that the office/complex management is on our side and aware that this bitch is totally insane.  In the meantime, Jerbs and I decided we'd just move when our lease was up and try to get a 2 bedroom (more on that later).

Since all this happened, Jerbs and I have stayed super diligent about setting the dogs up right when we leave the house.  We put up a black out curtain so they can't see the porch, leave the TV on low for a little noise, put out special bones they only get when we aren't home, and, of course, put their bark collars on them.  I also got 2 Skype accounts, one of which is logged in on Jerbs' computer at home, one of which is logged into on my phone.  I log in and call from work, so I can watch and listen to what's going on at home from my office, PLUS if one of them does bark, I can tell them to stop via Skype.  In the whole time I've been doing it, Max has barked once, and it was because a package got delivered on the porch.  The Skype thing has helped me to relax a LOT at work.  I'm hopeful that with all the issues our neighbor causes, she'll eventually get evicted.

And on the Friday after my birthday, my department co-workers brought cupcakes for a belated birthday gift, and that made me happy.  A few co-workers remembered on my actual birthday: Katie got me a huge jar of chocolate candy and these hilarious Ninja bread men cookie cutters, and the sleep girls got me candy and lip gloss and nail polish.  I love them, and was so glad a few people remembered.

So that was February.  I imagine that someday I'll get around to writing about March . . . maybe in June?

2013: A Year In Review

I swear, I thought of a good subtitle for this and of course didn't write it down and have now forgotten it.  Bummer.

At any rate, I can't believe it's New Year's Eve.  It's just a little bit mind blowing that 2013 is almost over!  It has been quite a year for me.  Probably the best year of my adult life thus far.

I got a job right at the beginning of the year, and in about two weeks I'll be having my first yearly eval there.  I am so incredibly happy with where I work I can't even tell you.  I genuinely don't mind going to work anymore, and I'm so glad to be able to support myself financially.  Having the job I have now makes me feel like a functioning adult and it's glorious.

I turned 28 in February.  Twenty.  Eight.  It sounds so close to 30 it freaks me out a little.  Kinda dreading the 29 coming up here soon, but I don't really get a choice in the matter, do I?  I also bought a bed in February, and it felt awesome to drag my crappy old air mattress down to the dumpster.

In March I adopted Max.  As much of a pain in the ass as he is sometimes, I think it was a good move.  Just like with Benji, it's been very rewarding and heart warming to watch Max go from being scared and skinny to being friendly and sweet and playful.  His hair is all fluffy now and he plays fetch and sits and shakes hands, and he loves me and Jerbs.  Strangers he's still iffy around but he's getting there.  I love Max.  Not as much as I love Benji, I'll admit that, but still, I love him.

In May I bought a car, and that was probably the biggest thing that happened to me this year.  Not just because I got a car but because I did it on my own.  It made me feel so incredibly strong and independent to be able to buy it, and I cherish that feeling every time I get behind the wheel.  I love my car.

Also in May, just a few days after I bought the car, I hit the one year mark of being single.  I didn't care as much as I thought I would, but still, it wasn't a milestone I ever thought I'd get to.  I thought I'd be back in Kingman with my ex within 6 months of moving out, so getting to a year without him was weird.  It's weird now, to think it's been a year and a half.  Maybe by the two year anniversary I'll really be over it.

In June I saw Neil Gaiman and it was awesome!

July marked one year of being back in Flagstaff.  That felt like an even bigger milestone than a year of being single.  It was difficult to think of the year away from my family; I felt bitter that day, and angry.  Then just a few days after I saw my ex for the first time in almost a year, which was really more of an irritation than anything.  I consciously kept him at arm's length while he was here; I'm sure I came across as cold and uncaring, and there are moments now when I regret that.  Sometimes I think I should have told him, while he was here, how I still feel about him, but more often than not, I'm glad he got to see me not giving a shit.  I'm glad he got to see the better me.

Independence Day was probably my favorite day of the whole summer, because of the company and everything else.

In August I climbed a fucking mountain, and it was awesome.  I'm looking forward to doing it again in 2014.

The holiday season was challenging for all the same reasons as last year, and while I was more mentally healthy and therefore able to handle it a little better this year, I wouldn't say that it was easier.  I missed my ex, plain and simple, and I felt a lot of anger about being single and away from my family and everything.  But I survived and that's all that matters, and maybe next Christmas it actually will get easier.

Throughout the year I got more and more mentally healthy.  I took my medicine all year (with a few random hiccups but nothing huge), I went to my doctor's appointments, and got my labs done when I needed to; I've never been such a compliant psych patient before.  2013 was full of little moments that made me realize just how far I've come in my battle against bipolar disorder, and for that, I will always and forever cherish this year.  There are still days where I find myself in complete disbelief at how much better I am now.  I go back through old Facebook statuses or Twitter updates, from when I was sick, and I can't believe what a difference there is.  I can't believe I used to live that way.  Being mentally healthy makes me feel almost invincible.  I know now that I can do whatever I put my mind to, that no goal I set is outside of my reach.  And it's all  because I'm mentally healthy.

Related to mental health, I also made a lot of progress as far as getting over my ex.  That whole situation was something that was on my mind a lot in 2013, and I feel like how I think of it now vs. how I thought of it at the start of the year are completely different.  I feel like I've come to really understand how bad I was and how much I put my ex through; I can see my behavior from a perspective of being mentally healthy, and I get it.  I totally get it.  And I'm ashamed of that part of my past, and I think that guilt will be something I'll grapple with for awhile yet.  But at the same time, it feels healthy to have reached this point.  I also kind of realized this year how very in control of fixing things I was back then, and that if I had done what I was supposed to do as far as treatment, maybe I'd still be with him.  At the same time, though, this year I found myself frequently thinking that I needed to get better on my own if I was going to do it at all.  I don't know . . . I'm torn, and I think both are a little bit true, if that's possible.

I would also say that my views on love, romance, and relationships have changed a lot this year, mostly in the sense that now I feel confident in my ability to be loved.  I finally, finally feel like I'm capable of having an adult relationship and being with someone the way you should be with someone as an adult, if that makes sense.

This year had its fails too.  Mostly I'm disappointed in my weight.  I was so determined at the beginning of 2013 that I'd finish the year weighing at least 40 pounds less than at the start of the year, but I'll be starting 2014 about 11 pounds heavier.  But I tell myself that 2013 was a year to focus on mental health, which I did, and which I succeeded at, and now 2014 will be a year to focus on physical health.

Normally I feel a little sad at New Year, because it's an end.  2013 is about to become the past, and for whatever reason, that has just always made me sad.  But this year, I find myself really looking forward to the new year, to 2014.  I think the past couple years of turmoil and transition have made me really appreciate any opportunity for a fresh start--even if it's a mostly symbolic one, like new year.  I'm going into this year happy, healthy, and hopeful, and that's tremendous and amazing and I am so damn proud of myself for it!

So goodbye 2013.  You were beautiful and wonderful and I will remember you fondly.