Seattle

I was so looking forward to writing this post.  For a long time I'd imagined coming back from my trip and writing a blog post about how insanely awesome Seattle was and what a fantastic time I'd had there, and unfortunately, that's not the post I'm going to write.

It has nothing to do with Seattle.  I actually really loved Seattle, and I definitely felt a deep soul kind of connection to the PNW.  I definitely still want to move there.

But.  I got sick right before we left, and spent my entire vacation just getting sicker.  I felt like total shit most of the time we were there; there was one day where I felt mostly OK.  So yeah.  Definitely not the trip I'd imagined and definitely not how I wanted my first impression of Seattle to be, and I'm still pretty effing disappointed.  But what can you do, right?

We left on a Tuesday.  The Sunday before that Tuesday, I woke up with a really, really sore throat.  Ever the optimist, I told myself it was nothing and that I'd just slept with my mouth open and/or too close to my fan or something like that.  But I was really tired all day too.  The next morning (the day before we left) I had a sore throat, ear pain, chest congestion, and a runny nose.  Lovely.

I definitely wasn't going to skip the trip, though, so we got up at the butt crack of dawn on Tuesday and made our way to Las Vegas.  We stopped in Kingman and dropped the dogs off with my mom and sister, they were thrilled to be there!  They seriously love my mom, I think they'd live with her if they could.  We also stopped in to see Jerbs' parents, they are very not happy about this move, but that's for another post.

We got to the airport a little behind schedule, but then checking our bags and getting through security went waaaaay faster than we'd expected.  We had time to chill at the airport and eat breakfast and that was actually really nice.  I bought cough drops at the airport too, because my throat was killing me.  Our flight left on time, I let Jerbs have the window seat for the trip and I was in the middle of the row.  The guy next to me took off his shoes which was disgusting, but other than that it was a good flight.  It was Jerbs' first ever flight and she did great with it!  I was proud of her.  The only bad part of the flight (other than the barefoot guy) was how my ears felt when we landed.  They already hurt since I was sick, so the popping as we descended felt absolutely awful, I legit almost cried.  And to top it off, my left ear never unpopped, I couldn't hear out of it until Saturday.  That was awesome.

But we made it to Seattle.  I teared up when we were off the plane, because I was just so overwhelmed that we were FINALLY there.  This was a trip that had been put off and postponed so many times because of all the bullshit that went on in my life, and I just felt so good to have overcome that.  As soon as we were off the plane, even when we were inside the airport, we could just feel water in the air.  That was nice.  We got our rental car and drove to our hotel, which ended up being not nearly as nice as expected, so that was disappointing.  It was definitely NOT worth what I paid for it.  And since I was sick I was even grumpier about it than I would have been.  We had dinner at a restaurant next to the hotel, then found a Rite Aid not far from where we were staying so I could buy cold medicine and Vicks.  After we got back to the hotel Jerbs fell asleep and I watched the finale of DWTS (because even vacation couldn't stop me from watching Nyle win! I called that shit from night one!).  I didn't sleep well that night.

On Wednesday we did touristy stuff.  We went to the Space Needle, which I actually thought was really cool.  Maybe because it is such a touristy place, I was expecting it to be a little underwhelming, but it was awesome.  The views are just incredible, and I had the best Italian soda ever at the little cafe at the observation deck.  My purse broke while we were there, though, which, combined with being sick, made me think maybe Seattle just didn't want me in it.  I am not exactly rational when sick and away from home.  I definitely want to go to the Space Needle again, and this time I want to do it at night.  After the Space Needle we had lunch at a pizza/biscuit place in downtown Seattle, and it was delicious but overpriced.  Then we made our way to Pike's Place Market, which is about when I started to just . . . fade.  I felt so sick and yucky.  But we explored the market, and I got this amazing hazelnut pastry at a place called Piroshky Piroshky.  Seriously one of the best things I've ever eaten, it was incredible.  There was also one of those living statue guys and he tried to grab me as I passed him, and I was so out of it I didn't react.  He was disappointed haha.  I think at this point I was running a fever and I was exhausted, so Jerbs and I walked to a Target on the next block and I bought Nyquil so I could sleep.  That night I took Nyquil as soon as we got to the hotel (or maybe when we got in the car to leave Pike's, I don't remember) and just PTFO'd.  It was glorious.

The next day, Thursday, we drove to Tacoma, ostensibly to look at some apartments.  Right off the bat, Tacoma didn't give us a great vibe.  Not necessarily a bad vibe but . . . I don't know, it didn't feel very homey.  It didn't feel like somewhere we could live.  We stopped for lunch at a restaurant we'd heard about before our trip, called Pacific South.  I'd been looking forward to their biscuits and gravy, and then the gravy just tasted like onions, so that wasn't great.  Then we went to one of the complexes we'd liked there, and the woman in the leasing office was extremely rude to us and impatient with us, and that was kind of the last straw for Tacoma.  I'm sure it's a lovely place but after that, I kind of said to Jerbs that I wasn't really feeling it.  She agreed.  We'd planned to spend the whole day there, exploring and getting a feel for the town, but I really wanted to see Olympia.  So we drove to Olympia.  We explored a little park on the waterfront there and then just drove around, looking at the city.  And we really liked it, and we really thought it seemed like somewhere we could live.  We went back to Seattle and went to Ikea, because we were right near it and I love Ikea and we want to get new furniture when we move.  Also I love those meatballs.  Then we went to a sushi place, because Jerbs wanted sushi.  She liked the place we tried, I just got stir fry and it wasn't bad.  Then we went back to our hotel.  I think this was the night that I had a minor freak out about being sick and decided I wanted to go home.  I just like to be home when I'm sick, and I wanted to be in my own bed with my dogs, so I definitely had an I don't care how much it costs I am leaving right now moment.  Jerbs talked me down.  The Nyquil helped.

The next day, Friday, we went to Olympia.  Olympia is 65 miles south of Seattle, but it took 3 hours to get there.  The highway was just packed, presumably with people heading out of town for the long weekend.  Finally got to Olympia, went to the complex we really liked, and actually met the manager and everything.  She was great.  The complex was full so she wasn't able to show us an actual apartment, but we saw the clubhouse, and she said it's pretty much the same flooring/appliances/cabinetry as the apartments, so we have a good idea of what it feels like.  We really liked this place, and it's very reasonably priced, so it's our first choice.  Since we got there so late that was the only place we got to go to, but we did have dinner at this pizza place called Vic's and it was amazing.  While we were there, after we'd ordered, this couple came in with their daughter.  They approached us and said they'd never been there and asked how to order, and I think being mistaken as a local is a good sign we can live in Olympia!

On Saturday, I actually felt OK enough to do something.  We started with brunch at this place called the Wandering Goose, seriously incredible biscuits and gravy.  They're known for their biscuits, and for good reason.  Then we went back to Pike's.  It was much more crowded on a Saturday than Wednesday (not surprising) but I was happy to be there without being miserable.  Jerbs wanted a Piroshky, and the line was super long, so while she waited I went to a little souvenir kind of shop and got stuff for my family.  (I pretty much got everyone mugs, I got Jillian a bag, and I got Austin and my dad Seattle shirts.  I also got Dad a can coozy with the skyline on it, and I got Austin a Seahawks pennant).  After we wandered some more, we went to the pier and took the ferry to Bainbridge Island.  That was actually my favorite part of the trip, it was so much fun to be out on the water.  It was cold and cloudy and windy but Jerbs and I sat on the deck the whole time.  On the island, we went for a walk on the Waterfront Trail, which was beautiful, and then we explored the downtown area.  We got pastries at a bakery and then ice cream at this awesome little ice cream store, it was so tasty.   Then we took the ferry back to Seattle, and the view of the city skyline under the grey sky as you're approaching it was just unbelievable.  One of the prettiest things I've ever seen.  I was so happy.  After the ferry we had dinner at a Mexican place in Renton, because I wanted to try at least one Mexican restaurant while we were there.  It was delicious.  Then it was back to the hotel to pack.

On Sunday we headed for the airport.  We had a mild moment of panic because since the airline we were flying on was so new to the area, they did not have a dedicated customer service counter.  So we had no idea where to go to check our bags.  That was a really shitty feeling but we did eventually figure it out and got our bags checked and all that.  Security was pretty quick too, which was nice, and then we found a Sbarro's right near our gate, so we had pizza for lunch.  (The Sbarro's in Flag closed quite awhile ago and we--especially Jerbs--miss it).  Then we flew home, and I got the window seat, but luckily for Jerbs, the person on the aisle was much better than the guy on our first flight.  She was a nice lady and she'd brought a coloring book, so definitely our kind of people!  This flight was a little less smooth, I had fallen asleep and we hit turbulence bad enough to wake me up and make us have to put our seat belts back on.  The lady next to us was fascinated by the desert, she was talking about how she hadn't been to Vegas since she was 21 and eloped there, and we were telling her about living in AZ.  She really was lovely.

We got off the plane, got our bags, got the car (and paid the outrageous fee for parking at the airport for 5 days), and headed home.  We stopped in Kingman and picked up the dogs, then went to my dad's and then to Jerbs' parents.  (And OMG her parents were just terrible about the whole thing, her mom was going on and on about how she just can't see us living in Washington and do we know the cost of utilities and groceries and it was just ridiculous).  Eventually we got back to Flagstaff, Hollie was very happy to be home and the cats were happy to see us.  It felt so nice to sleep in my own bed!

So that's that, our trip to Seattle.  Like I said, not the trip I'd been dreaming of but still fun.  And really, not long from now we'll live an hour away from Seattle and we'll be able to visit whenever we want, so I'm not too worried about all the stuff I didn't get to do on this trip!

Sick And Stuff

I've spent my weekend watching TV and taking cold medicine.  It has not been fun.

That sinus infection that's been hanging around for the past few weeks randomly migrated down into my chest.  It literally happened overnight: I went to bed last Wednesday night with my head all stuffy and whatever, and woke up Thursday morning with a nasty cough and some pretty major chest congestion.  I worked a half day, then came home and just rested.  I managed to work on Friday, but I think I'm going to call in tomorrow.  I feel like absolute shit.

Which means I got absolutely nothing done this weekend.  The house needs to be cleaned.  I have laundry to do.  There are a few sewing projects I need to get moving on.

It stresses me out when things start to pile up like that.  Like . . . I've been having mini anxiety attacks about it all day.

Not to mention the thought of missing work stresses me out.

I'm telling myself to calm down, but it's kind of a losing battle.  

What A Week

I would love to be able to say that this past week only got better after the flat tire fiasco.

But it didn't.  It didn't really get any worse, though.  Which I guess is a good thing.

Monday was the flat tire thing.  Tuesday I started feeling sick (head cold/sinus infection kinda stuff).  Wednesday I felt sicker and ended up being forced to deal with some financial unpleasantness . . . which is actually a good thing, in the long run, but still.  Thursday I finished dealing with the money stuff and Jerbs left for Phoenix for Comic Con (after a long debacle of her bus being canceled and having to buy a last minute ticket on the airport shuttle), which was good for her but I'm not a huge fan of being alone.  Friday I felt like absolute crap and had to stay late at work, so by the time I got home I was pretty dang miserable.  Friday night I took some nighttime cold and cough medicine and slept incredibly well.  Saturday my cold symptoms were mostly gone (yay!) but I had nighttime cold medicine hangover all day long, so I basically did nothing.  The weather was nice, too, and I wasn't thrilled to be stuck inside when I'd have rather taken the dogs out hiking or something.

Today has been uneventful.  I did laundry, cleaned, painted my toenails . . . all that usual Sunday stuff.  Jerbs will be home late tonight (hopefully with a super awesome present for me) and I'm excited to see her.

Overall this past week was not the best one of my life.  Not the worst either, I suppose.

Edited to Add:  Jerbs got Nathan Fillion's autograph for me at PCC!!  Freaking awesome present!

Feeling Better And Getting Sick(?)

Mentally I'm feeling much better.  A weekend back on my medication and with some decent sleep has done me a world of good.  I'm still not 100% (still a little anxious at times) but still, much, much better.  Friday night in particular was amazing, because I took two a/d's and a Benadryl and just crashed.  It was blissful to actually be able to sleep.

And Jerbs being gone wasn't as bad as I thought it would be.  Although I did feel bad for Max who was stuck at home with a mom who didn't particularly feel like doing anything all weekend; I pretty much just wanted to stay inside and rest.  I swear Max nearly had a heart attack when we picked Jerbs up from the bus station on Sunday evening, he was just so HAPPY.

So mentally things are improving and that's awesome.  I'm still pretty livid that I had to deal with this ridiculous setback at all but at the same time, I'm not going to let it define me.  I won't lie, I had a few moments where the "what ifs" spiraled out of control and I worried that I'd never get my medicine and then lose my job and then my car and never get well again and that this snafu would be the unraveling of everything I'd accomplished.  But that's completely not the case.  And I know that, so I'm working very hard to not let it get me down.  At least this time around I can say that it was absolutely not my fault at all; this had nothing to do with me being non-compliant or rebellious or in denial like I used to be, and everything to do with some stupid miscommunication between other people.  At this point I don't give a shit what happened as long as it gets fixed and doesn't happen again.

As great as mental health is, I think I'm getting physically sick.  I mentioned that there's some nastiness going around work right now--bronchitis or something similar.  Basically a week ago today the one co-worker I absolutely despise because he is literally the most wretchedly annoying person I've ever met came to work sick.  He proceeded to walk around the business office hacking like mad and never covering his mouth or using hand sanitizer (seriously, he's disgusting, and we watched).  But his boss (the CEO) wouldn't send him home, and when he told him to wear a mask, the gross co-worker insisted he wasn't sick.  And sure enough by Tuesday one co-worker was coughing, and by Wednesday two more were.  My office mate and I shut our door, disinfected our entire office space, and crossed our fingers.

Well, today, one sick co-worker was fine, one is better, and one has a doctor's appointment tomorrow because she thinks she has pneumonia.  PNEUMONIA.

So far I've managed to not get it but then this evening . . . I don't know.  I'm starting to feel under the weather.  I was OK until I got off work, but once I got home, all I wanted to do was go to bed.  I slept through DWTS, and you know it's serious if I miss that.

All I can say is that if I'm getting sick it best be out of my system by Halloween because on November 1st I'm going to Kingman for a certain darling nephew's 5th birthday party, which I really, really don't want to miss.  At the same time, I'm not going to be a dick and infect my family and a bunch of 5 year old kids with potential pneumonia.  So my fingers are crossed.

And btw, it's windy as all hell and freezing and doing something like raining outside right now . . . I love this weather, sick or not!

Sick x 2

1.  I am physically sick.

I have a sinus infection and it sucks.  My head has felt like it might explode from all the pressure for pretty much the last 3 days straight.  Work has been hell, because I feel like I totally can't focus and every little noise makes my head hurt more.  My head pounds whenever I bend over, my ears keep popping and draining, and I get dizzy when I lie down.  Plus I have a cough and a sore throat.  Oh, and my lymph nodes are so swollen I look like I've gained at least 10 pounds.  And I haven't been to the gym since last Thursday because I don't want to pass out on the elliptical.  Very frustrating.  And naturally this happens when I absolutely cannot miss a day of work because the shit is hitting the fan there at the moment . . . sigh.

2.  I am unmedicated.

Through no fault of my own.

Let me start by saying that when I went to my dr's appt. last week, I had a couple days of medication left.  Enough to get me through the weekend.  And since that POS Dr. DBag assured me that he would call in a prescription for me, when I got to Monday morning and was out of Lithium, I assumed that my pharmacy would have a prescription ready and waiting for me.  Because that's what normally happens when a doctor says he'll call in a script for you.  So I check on my pharmacy website, and there's no record of any script for anything from that doctor.  Meaning . . . it was never called in.  Meaning . . . I paid $200 and all I got for my money was the chance to rehash all the unpleasant details of my history and listen to some incredibly misogynistic theories about men and women.  Granted, they didn't take the payment until Friday (payday) and it could very well be that they were holding the prescription until I paid . . . but Friday was 3 days ago now, and I can tell you from personal experience, because I run patient credit cards every single day, that it takes about 2, maybe 3 minutes to run it and post the payment.  So assuming they did it Friday morning, there is absolutely zero reason for that prescription to not have been called in.  I was freaking livid.  And if for some reason my card didn't go through . . . why haven't I been called?  I also haven't been called to schedule an appt. with the other new doctor I'm supposed to see.  So needless to say, I'm not too thrilled with this office right now.

Anyway, fortunately, I had one more refill of Li from my old doctor still on file that doesn't expire til 2014, so I went ahead and requested that refill.  It was supposed to be ready this afternoon but wouldn't you know it, for some reason, it isn't.  In fact, according to the pharmacy website, the initial request was canceled and then another one for a slightly lower quantity is processing . . . so I don't know WTF is going on.  That's going to be a fun phone call tomorrow morning.

I'm definitely starting to feel the absence of the Li.  Nothing major, I can just feel my anxiety/stress level creeping up a bit.  It probably wouldn't be as bad if I wasn't sick already, or if things at work weren't so insane right now.  I'm hoping that my refill will be ready tomorrow.  If I can get the mental aspect of health back under control I think the physical aspect will be a lot more manageable.

Sigh.  I'm just so irritated by this whole freaking process.  I've been cruising along just fine all this year and I don't like having a wrench thrown in it by, of all people, my doctor's office.

EDIT: My pharmacy got their shit together and I have my Lithium prescription.  Thank.goodness.  I'm still very unimpressed with my doctor's office, though.  (9.25.13)

Home Sick and Hating It

I'm home sick from work today.  I stayed home yesterday too.  Which sucks.  I HATE HATE HATE missing work . . . it's seriously one of the worst feelings in the world to me.  I hate that other people have to do my work for me and I hate worrying that I may lose my job.

To start from the beginning.  Around 3:00 Monday morning I woke up HOT.  Like, crazy hot.  Felt like I was on fire.  So I took a frozen water bottle to bed with me and turned on our A/C, and an hour later I was still wide awake and burning.  I took a cold shower, I laid in front of my fan, and at 5:30 AM nothing had changed.  I was absolutely miserable; my head was pounding, I felt weak and shaky, I felt dizzy and like I might throw up.  At 6 all I wanted to do was sleep so finally, out of desperation, I took a sleeping pill (something I never do anymore).  I dragged myself up at 7:45 and texted my boss, then I spent the day in bed just trying not to feel like shit.  Which didn't do much good because I was s till really sicky for most of the day.  It sucked.  I was feeling a little bit better last night and I thought, a good night's sleep and I should be fine.

Well, I woke up at about 5:30 this morning feeling exactly the same.  So I called in again, and this time I got a stern reply text that if I miss tomorrow I'll need a doctor's note to come back to work and that I need to give more notice of absence.  I apologized for the short notice.  Oh, and there's no way I'm going to go to a doctor for this.  What's a doctor going to say about being heat sick in AZ?  "It's July, you live in the desert, suck it up."  Totally a waste of time and money.

I'm still not feeling great but I think tomorrow I'm just going to have to suck it up.  I wanted to suck it up today and just force myself to go but . . . yeah, didn't happen.  My head is pounding just from the few minutes I've spent on the computer typing up this blog entry so I'm pretty sure 8 solid hours of computer time would've killed me.

I'm trying to tell myself that I shouldn't feel bad, because sick happens.  (Although no one who misses work to care for their sick kids gets any kind of questioning . . . my workplace may be a smidge biased towards parents, which is lame).  And honestly, the way I felt yesterday and today, I'd have been totally useless at work, and I don't think it's fair to get paid for doing nothing.  Waste of my time and energy to be there, waste of the company's money to pay me for being there.  So yeah.  And I'm not really worried about my job because I do good work and everything is caught up, so the only thing anyone had to do for me was payment posting.  It's just easy to get paranoid, I think because I was unemployed for so long and I know how bad it sucks.  I get to this place where I totally panic thinking of being in that place again.

So my goal is to go back to work tomorrow and just be awesome.  I'm already pretty awesome at work but I kind of want to prove that I'm worth having there, y'know?  Get all my work done, do the stuff I've been putting off (I dread making patient phone calls so yeah, that gets put off quite a bit), have a good attitude about it . . . etc etc etc.

Anyway.  I just needed to vent that and justify things to myself, I guess.  But I will say that I really was sick . . . like I really did feel like crud, and going in to work would have been pointless.  This isn't fake and it's not mental either.  (I'm always afraid that people will think I'm having bipolar issues when I'm out sick . . . down side of being open and honest about those things with my boss and co-workers, right?)

Sickly

I left work early sick yesterday, and I missed work completely today.  It's aggravating but it was necessary.

Basically yesterday, I woke up feeling OK, and by the time I got on the bus, I felt horrible.  I don't even know how to describe it . . . I was completely exhausted even though I'd slept well, my head was pounding and throbbing in the worst way, and I felt so weak I honestly didn't know if I'd be able to walk off the bus.  I got to work, ate breakfast, etc, and I just kept feeling worse.  Plus I was freezing cold.  One of my co-workers felt my head and said I was really warm.  At that point I asked if I could go because I was literally falling asleep at my desk.  If I'd been able to suck it up and stay I'd have gotten nothing done and I hate the idea of being at work getting paid for nothing.  So I came home and passed.out.  I was seriously so tired . . . like I don't remember having ever been as tired as I was, it was so weird.  I slept until 8 pm and went back to bed at midnight, still feeling pretty crappy.

I woke up this morning and felt worse.  I told myself to suck it up and dragged myself out of bed; when I took a shower my arms felt so weak I could hardly lift them to wash my hair.  Halfway through blow drying my hair I realized there was no way in hell I was going to make it to work and be even remotely comfortable, so I called my boss and left her a voicemail saying I was still sick.  (I think I was running a fever at this point too).  Went back to bed, woke quite a few hours later, felt OK, and attempted to go get food with Jerbs.

That was a huge mistake.  A few bites into my pasta at Wildflower I had to run to the bathroom and puke . . . it suuuucked.

Not a pleasant day.  But I'm feeling a little better now.  I just don't know wtf happened . . . and I hate when my body does things that I don't understand.

It could all be menstrual related, because my period started yesterday while I was on my way home from work.  Or I could have legit had a touch of the stomach flu.  Or certain mental issues could be translating themselves into physical symptoms but that's a whole nother story.

Anyway.  Hopefully I can work tomorrow, because I really hate missing.

Oh FFS

On top of all the grumpiness and unpleasantness I mentioned before, I'm now sick.  I've felt it coming on for a couple days and hoped it would just kind of pass, but this morning I woke up feeling like absolute shit.  It feels like a really bad head cold/sinus infection.  Yay.

And Jerbs is sick too and thinks she might have the flu.  Even better.

Sigh.

I would really like my head to stop pounding and the room to stop spinning now.

I hate being sick.

Lowlights and Highlights

Lowlights of today:

--I'm sick.  Stuffy nose, massive sinus pressure between my eyes, itchy face, plugged ears, chest congestion, sore throat, cough.  It sucks and is very lame.
--My paycheck was tiiiiiiiny.  I seriously spent the whole thing today between treating Jerbs to lunch, buying my weekly groceries, and picking up my Lithium prescription.  (My Li prescription is the expensive one).
--I still haven't heard anything from the job; I think I'm going to give them a call tomorrow just to touch base because . . . well, because I really have a good feeling about it.
--The bus was obnoxious.  Especially the ride on route 4 to the transfer station to get home, which was held up because of people who had no idea what they were doing and took 5 minutes to get on, and had one passenger who was an overweight woman telling another passenger all about the infection she got between the folds of her skin.  (Seriously, ick.  Indoor voices!)
--Hauling groceries home on the bus just kinda isn't fun.  Especially when you're sick.

Highlights of today:

--Suit kid.  There was this kid on the bus who was no more than 11 or 12, and he was wearing a 3 piece suit and tie, and carrying a lunchbox and a briefcase.  He just kept checking his watch and it was hilarious.  Jerbs in particular was highly entertained and we imagined him thinking things like, "Today is just not my day . . . Lost the Miller account, and Mom forgot to cut the crust off my PB&J."
--Even though it's expensive it's good to have my Lithium.  And I was able to buy it myself so that's good.
--Jerbs bought me cough drop and Tylenol Cold/Cough, which seems to have helped a little.

I think that's it.  I'm gong to take some drugs and hit the sack . . . I feel like poo.