A (Sort Of) Triumphant Return(ish)

Well, long time no see Life and Times of Ica.

I remember when I was first blogging, I'd find other blogs that hadn't been updated in years, and the last entry would be just a normal one, and I'd wonder what happened that made the writer just stop.  And now . . . here I am 2+ years since I posted and the answer is that LIFE happens.  Honestly, it hasn't been anything crazy exciting, just life.  Some bad, some good, some amazing, some awful.  Way way way too much to put into just one blog post.  Probably way way way too much to blog about, period, but I think I'm going to try.  I actually do miss this little space, and I started it back when what I was documenting was 90% misery.  There are definitely some good times on here too, but I think there should be more of them now that I'm, y'know, happy. 

So briefly . . .

The good/amazing:
--we are still in WA and we still love it
--I'm still working for MHC and loving working from home; Jerbs works in medical billing too now and she loves her job
--we still have Max and Hollie and Irene and Ilya, and they're all healthy and happy
--we have a new cat named Nikolai, and 2 rats named Juniper and Delilah
--I joined a gym that I really really love
--I'm subbing in multiple handbell choirs
--I actually have a love life!  (or . . . really a sex life, I guess, and I love it)
--I think I've finally gotten to the very root of my mental health issues and I'm finally on a med regimen that is WORKING
--over the past couple of years Jerbs and I have seen Game Grumps Live, NSP live, the Mountain Goats, Alton Brown, Neil Gaiman, TSO, Maroon 5 . . . and we're seeing the Mountain Goats and Morrissey in September
--the Goldwomen bought a HOUSE  earlier this year! (I have yet to visit them and see it, but I'm going to someday!)
--the Flicks had another baby and she's AMAZING, and their first baby is now a toddler who is also AMAZING . . . I legit love those kids and their parents; they also bought a new house since I last blogged and it's super cute
--Jerbs' cousin had a baby and he's 2 now, and he's adorable, and hilariously fearless
--Austy is TEN and started 5th grade the other day, and I'm blown away both by the little person he's become and by how it seems like just yesterday that he was a tiny baby; he's smart and funny and an amazing baseball player and I just love him
-Austy is also a BIG BROTHER now!  my sister had a baby girl in January, her name is Logan, her birthday is close to mine and Jillian's, and she's literally the cutest baby I've ever seen
--related--my sister is married!  she met this awesome guy in 2017, they fell in love, got engaged at a Dbacks game, had a baby, and had a mini wedding in April . . . their real big wedding is next April (on their 1st anniversary) and I'm so excited!  I'm so genuinely, over the moon happy for my sister
--my new brother in law has 5 kids from a previous marriage, so I have 4 step nephews and a step niece . . . I've mt two of the nephews and they're awesome, and my step niece is just adorable and I love her

The bad/awful:
--I went through a pretty awful bout mental health wise for awhile
--Jerbs' mom passed away last year
--around the same time, a friend/sorority sister from college passed away while giving childbirth
--literally everything about the Trump administration . . . thank God next year is an election year, hopefully it'll be the end of this utter bullshit nightmare

I think that's about it.  Life is pretty good at the moment, minus constantly missing Jane.  Hopefully sometime soon I can write more in detail.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with this lovely picture of our neck of the woods--Capitol Lake and the capitol building in Oly.

Salt Lake City Trip # 1: Bridal Shower

This past weekend (3 day Labor Day weekend woohoo!) I made the trip to SLC for Theresa and Jenna's joint bridal shower.  I went by myself, and holy hell, that drive is ridiculous.  By the time I got home I was pretty much dead on my feet.  It didn't help that I didn't sleep well at all last week, that I had to go to urgent care Friday morning, aka the morning I left (long story), that I had to stay later than anticipated at work the day I left, and that I had to make a stop at job # 2 before I left.  Plus I had to pick up my rental car so . . . yeah, it was kind of a stressful send off.  It was definitely one of those things where I felt rushed and unprepared even though I'd known I was making this trip for a long time, and I found myself really frustrated with that.  Honestly, I need to get over this whole procrastination thing . . . but that's neither here nor there.

I finally got on the road to SLC around 3 PM, and I just drove and drove and drove.  For the trip up I went through Page on the 89, and once I actually got into Utah I had some issues.  Apparently the bottom part of Utah is just all these small towns along the 89, and the 89 just curves and curves and curves through all of them.  By the time I hit this part of the trip it was dark, and curvy roads that I'm not familiar with in complete darkness=basically when I'm at my worst driving.  I kept having to slow down and it just sucked.  Twice I thought I had missed something in my directions and had to turn around and retrace my steps.  Finally I made it to the point where I moved from the 89 to the 15 North, and that helped a lot.  The 15 is a highway highway, and the speed limit is 80, and it's well lit and smooth, so that part was a lot easier.  I definitely had a moment when I saw the first sign that had the distance to SLC on it where I was just so disappointed, because I saw the sign and was just like, "How the hell am I still so far away when I've been driving so long??"  But really, at that point all you can do is drive, so I did.  I got checked into my hotel around 1:30 in the morning.  I pretty much got to my room, took off my clothes, and fell into bed.

Saturday was the day of the shower and, not surprisingly, I spent a good chunk of it getting lost trying to find Theresa's apartment, because addresses in Utah can sometimes be said backwards, if that makes sense.  I got confused but eventually figured it out, and I rode with them to the shower.  (I made them late and felt terrible, incidentally).  The shower was outside, and it was beautiful but insanely windy, so there were a lot of pauses where we just had to hold things down, but it was a lot of fun.  Jenna's sisters did a great job of hosting.  I also met a few new people who live in SLC, so that was exciting.  It was a great group, and I'm looking forward to seeing them all again at the wedding.  (In less than a month, eek!!)

After the shower Theresa and I (and their roommate, Zach) went back to their place, where Theresa and I watched football and talked about wedding details.  Later, the two of us and the Goldmans went to the Girl Scout camp that Jenna ran over the summer, which was awesome!  It's a really beautiful camp and I loved getting to see it.  We saw deer at the camp, and moose on the drive up and down (one each way!) so that was really cool.  The camp is near Provo, so it was quite a drive, but the Goldmans are awesome company.  After Trefoil we had dinner at Red Iguana, a Mexican place, which pretty much made my day because I actually found out about Red Iguana a few weeks ago and had been planning to eat there during the wedding trip, so when that was already the plan, I was thrilled.  And the food did not disappoint, some pretty solid amazingness right there.  (I'm already craving it and can't wait to go back).  It was a long and exhausting day but so much fun.

On Sunday we all had breakfast at Theresa's, she made some delicious stuffed french toast.  Then we went to David's Bridal and picked out new bridesmaid shoes, and then we visited the venue where the wedding and reception will be taking place.  The place is absolutely incredible, like mind blowingly beautiful, and completely perfect for Jenna and Theresa's wedding.  It just fits them, and seeing the venue just made me even more excited for the wedding.

I left SLC a solid 3 hours later than intended, but it was worth it to see the venue.  I took a different route home so I could go through Las Vegas (this route was completely the 15, and it's the route Jerbs and I will take when we drive to SLC for the wedding) and pick up my bridesmaid's dress from Kelly, another bridesmaid who lives there.  I spent some time just chatting with her, so that was nice.  Once I had my dress I got on my way, only to get pulled over for speeding right outside Boulder City.  I thought the speed limit was 65 so I was going 75 (I know, I was speeding, but I thought by only 10 mph), and it turns out the speed limit where I was is actually 45.  So yeah, good job Ica.  Really everything about this situation was not in my favor, because I was speeding near Vegas at 2 AM in a car with California plates so . . . yeah.  The cop asked me if I'd been arrested before, which freaked me the fuck out.  I mean, why ask that unless you're planning on arresting someone?  I was terrified I was going to end up in jail in Boulder City in the middle of the night . . . but thankfully, he just gave me a speeding ticket.  Which yes, sucks, but I didn't even care, I was just thankful I didn't get arrested.

Then I had to turn around just outside of Kingman for gas, because I'd thought I had enough gas for the trip and about 20 miles out my fancy rental car told me it could only go another 45 miles with what was in the tank.  I knew I couldn't make it to Seligman on that so my only choice was to turn around (in one of the little cop parking places that you are definitely not supposed to turn around in, so yay).  I was so upset.  I got gas and finally finally finally got on the road.  At this point I was so tired I don't even know how I made it home.  I was also really really angry so I was pretty much hating life during that drive.  I finally got home at like 3 in the morning and just crashed, and felt much better after I got some sleep.

This morning I tried on my dress, and I am thrilled because it fits perfectly and I actually kind of like how I look in it.  Having my dress here kind of makes it sink in a little more that the wedding is coming up, and fast!  I can't wait!

Las Vegas

So I am home safe and sound and in one piece from my trip to Vegas.  It was AMAZING and well worth how completely exhausted I was at work yesterday.  I love Vegas,  I love Theresa, I love her fiancee (Jenna), I love her future in-laws, I loved this whole weekend!

First some background.  I don't know if I ever actually mentioned it, but I'm a bridesmaid in Theresa's wedding this October, which I couldn't be happier or more excited about.  I feel so incredibly honored to have been asked!  The bridal party is pretty scattered:  I'm in Flagstaff, Theresa's other two bridesmaids live in Las Vegas and China, and her fiancee's bridesmaids are split between California and Colorado.  The China and Colorado people couldn't make it, but 4 of the 6 of us were there.  This trip has been planned since, like, February, so I've been looking forward to it for awhile.

I took Friday, the first, off from work so that I could get on the road at a decent hour and stop in Kingman on my way.  I went to my mom's and she had completely forgotten I was coming, so I unintentionally got to surprise her.  I got to town just before Austin was getting out of school, so I went to the bus stop with her to pick him up.  He was super surprised and RAN over to me as soon as he was off the bus, and totally knocked me over.  I told him he's just getting too strong for me, and he told me it's because he works out.  (True story).  After we got in my car to go to lunch, he said, "I KNEW one of these days you were going to come, Auntica."  I just love him.  We let him pick where to go for lunch, which of course meant we went to Cracker Barrel (side note: I always let him pick the restaurant because I know that's what he'll pick).  After we had lunch, I mentioned I needed to run to WalMart and buy a charger for my phone before I headed out (I forgot to pack my charger, natch).  So my mom said she needed a few things and asked if we could just go together, so I said sure.

Well, I should know better.  When my mom says she just needs a few things, it actually means we're going to be at the store for at least an hour and that we're going to leave with a cart full of groceries.  Groceries that then had to be loaded into my car and then unloaded at my mom's.  By the time I got gas and left Kingman I was an hour behind where I wanted to be, which was disappointing.

Also disappointing was the drive over the bridge to bypass the Hoover Dam.  I watched that thing being built for so long and was looking forward to driving it, but the sides are so high that you can't see anything over the edge.  Kind of a bummer.

I got to Vegas and promptly got lost, in part because I had directions to the hotel where I'd be staying but since I was running late, by the time I got to Vegas we were meeting up with Jenna's parents at their hotel for dinner.  I don't know how I manage this crap, I've only been to Vegas like a hundred times, but whatever.  Long story short, I did eventually get to where I needed to be and found Theresa and it was all uphill from there.

Friday night we (we being me, Theresa, Jenna, Jenna's parents, and Jenna's brother in law) walked over to the Bellagio and watched the dancing fountains for awhile.  Then we went back to Jenna's parents' hotel and played Cards Against Humanity, which was hilarious and very entertaining.  Later Jenna's sisters (AKA her bridesmaids) got there so I  got to meet them.  We ended up hitting the casino for a bit, and then went to our hotel, which was an amazing 2 bedroom 2 bathroom suite (seriously bigger than my apartment).  Theresa and Jenna had one room, Jenna's sister and her husband had the other, and I had the pull out couch in the living room.

Saturday was dress shopping day.  We started with a Starbucks run, then had an appointment at a bridesmaid dress shop in Henderson.  The place was honestly a little meh, we did find some things we liked but the issue was that they didn't come in the right colors (particularly the green that Theresa wanted for her side).  We ended up picking dresses, but decided to go to the later appointment at David's Bridal just to see how that went.  Between appointments we had lunch at The Cheesecake Factory, where I'd never eaten before, so that was fun.  It's a good thing we don't have one of those here because I'd be freaking fatter than I already am.

The David's Bridal appointment was much better than the first appointment, there were a lot more options as far as dresses, and we all got to just pull whatever we wanted to try on, so we ended up with a huge variety of dresses to look at.  (Plus the bonus of hearing Jenna's mom offering her opinion to the couple girls there who were trying on wedding dresses, it was hilarious).  As much as I hate trying on clothes and then essentially modeling them, it was actually fun.  We chose dresses there (the same dress for each side, in different colors) and I LOVE the dress we picked.  Plus the price was legit half of what it was at the other place, so bonus.  (Side note:  I totally teared up while we were dress shopping, because . . . I don't know.  This is a whole new experience for me, and it's so awesome to think that randomly meeting years ago led to that, y'know?  I don't have a whole lot of friends from college, and I've burned a lot of bridges, so to know that there is a person I met in college who still likes me, who likes me enough to want me to be in her wedding, was kind of overwhelming.  I don't even care how lame that makes me sound, it's true).

After the dresses we had dinner at a buffet, which was completely empty because it was fight night.  At some point after dinner, Theresa and I and her future brother in law went back to our hotel to change or something, and I left my wallet there.  So when we got back to the other hotel/casino to gamble, I had no freaking money.  I was so mad at myself!  And since it was fight night the traffic was horrendous, so going back to get it was absolutely not an option.  In retrospect, it's probably a good thing because I ended up spending way less money than I anticipated, but it still sucked.  After awhile Theresa and I just went and people watched on the strip, but that was kind of terrifying because it was so packed (again, fight night) so we went back inside and people watched.  Still entertaining.

Sunday morning we swam at Jenna's parent's hotel and had lunch there before we headed out.  I ended up leaving the same time Theresa and Jenna did.  I stopped in Kingman on my way back and got to spend some time with my dad, which was nice.  I ended up getting home way later than intended (Jenna and Theresa got back to SLC before I got back to Flagstaff so . . . yeah).  Work yesterday was just pure torture but it was worth it!

Overall, it was just a fantastic trip with some fantastic people, and I'm so glad I got to go.  Theresa and I have had a lot of great experiences together and we have a lot of great memories, and this weekend will definitely be one that stands out.

Better(ish) . . . I Think?

I've felt a little better since my last post.  Maybe not a ton, but enough to notice.  I honestly don't know where that little down swing came from . . . it wasn't menstrual, it wasn't a lack of medication, it was just a random thing.  To be honest, something still feels off, not quite right, but I can't figure out what or why.  So for now, I'm just kind of muddling through, until it either resolves itself or I figure out what's going on and how to fix it.

Thanksgiving was good.  Jerbs and I stayed in Flagstaff and did our dinner from Sprouts, and watched Thanksgiving episodes of TV shows on Netflix.  It was stupidly, frustratingly warm and sunny on Thanksgiving, and that kind of sucked.

Then on Black Friday, my best friend from college, Theresa got engaged!  She and her fiance were in town for a little while, so I got to have dinner with them and a few other of their college friends, and it was so nice!  I am so unbelievably happy for Theresa that I can't even put it into words.  She and her fiance just seem so happy and good together, and it's good to see her so content and thriving.  Seeing them together, and seeing her in such a good place, made me really think about some of the things in my life, and made me want to re-commit to some of the stuff I've been neglecting.

I was sick most of this past week, with a milder version of what I had in October, and that sucked.  I'm finally feeling better, but my head still feels stuffy. 

Other than that I've just been working.  A lot.  I'm still having a bit of a love/hate relationship with my second job.  There are just some aspects of it that make me so uncomfortable . . . mostly calling people and telling them their dues declined.  It's just kind of an unpleasant experience that I put off and avoid as much as I can.  But I don't want to give it up, because the extra money is just so helpful . . . and really, the whole billing cycle thing only takes about the first two weeks out of the month, which isn't so bad.  I can suck it up and deal.

One good thing, though, is that MHC is going to pay for me to get my medical coding certification, which is exciting.  I think it'll be really good for me, mostly in the sense of making me more useful for future jobs, and if I don't have to pay for it, why not?  I should be able to enroll in January, and I'll have my certification by July at the latest.  I'm looking forward to it, even if I'm a little worried about how I'll find time to study with everything else I've got going on.

Today

We woke up to snow!  Well, I woke up to snow, Jerbs got to sleep in, but still!  It started snowing just before I went to bed last night and it apparently lasted because there were a couple inches on the ground in the morning.  It was so pretty.  I'm glad that even if my holiday spirit is still basically gone I can still get little kid level excited about snow.  It snowed for a couple hours and then poured down rain all day after that.  It's still raining.  Just as lovely as the snow, I think.

After work I took my car to Discount Tire to get one of my tires fixed, and they were packed.  Lots of people getting snow tires put on and stuff.  So they told me it would be a 2.5 hour wait just for my little repair, which sucked, but I didn't have a choice.  I wandered over to the Bookman's plaza and went to Michaels, JoAnn, and Bookmans.  Bookmans has a cool little cafe, so I got a Mexican mocha latte (so good!) and sat by the window and just watched the rain come down.  It was lovely.  There was a very interesting guy performing there today . . . I didn't find out his name, but he's a singer/guitarist/Native American flute player.  I think my favorite song was "Don't Worry, Be Hopi," which was sung to the beat of "Don't Worry, Be Happy."  It was all about the trials, triumphs, and spirit of the Hopi tribe.  It was pretty amazing, in a Flagstaff kinda way.  

They had these little signs up around the cafe, and it made me happy:

Love it.  If I were doing NaNo this year I'd totally write there.

I finally headed back to the tire place and on the way I passed this . . . um, interesting? . . . bit of Christmas window art.  I can't remember which business had it on their window but I find it odd:

I texted it to B, and this conversation happened.

Me: I do not understand what's happening in this picture.

B: He's . . . inflating his sack?

Me: He's inflating someone's sack.

B: It's so swollen.

B: He's blushing too, little scamp.

Me: Viiiiirgin.

Yeah.  We're interesting together.

I got back to the tire place right about 2.5 hours after I dropped my car off and sat there for another 45 minutes.  It sucked.  And my tire was fixable but when they took it off they found it was totally bald on the inside.  I told them to just put the spare on if they could get to it (getting to my spare is complicated . . . my dad wasn't able to when I was in Ktown).  I thought for sure I was going to end up having to buy a new tire but the spare thing worked out and I had my car like 5 minutes after my conversation with the tech.

Then I picked up my Lithium, which is awesome.  I was dreading doing it because I thought for sure my doctor's office would have fucked up again, but thankfully that wasn't the case.  Woohoo medication.

So that was my day.  I think this was the first Friday since I started at MHC that I didn't come straight home and take a nap after work . . . maybe I'm growing up!

Probably not, though.  Probably not.

On Being Social

This past Saturday, B and a few of her friends were in town for the day.  There was a small anime con at Little America and they were up here for that, and then later in the evening Jerbs and I met up with them for dinner, which turned into dinner then coffee then drinks.  It really was just a fantastic evening.  Good food, good company . . . you can't really go wrong with that.  It's always nice to see B (and we don't see each other nearly enough these days in my opinion) and catch up with her, and the people she was with (none of whom I'd met before) were all awesome.  Plus it was just nice to get out of the house, because that's unusual for me . . . not that I'm complaining, I'm definitely a homebody, but every once in awhile, y'know?

We had dinner at a pizza place, and can I tell you that I loved paying for my own dinner and someone else's?  Maybe that's weird but I spent so long always having Jerbs or someone else treat me and it made me feel so losery.  So being out and paying my own way felt awesome!  I felt like an adult.  Or at least, as much as I can feel like an adult when I'm with Jerbs and B.

Anyway, besides being just an awesome night with friends, it was another one of those times that just made me understand very clearly how much better I am than I used to be.

I don't think I have to say that in the past, when I was sick, social experiences were a complete and utter nightmare for me.  I'm convinced this is why I have so few friends from college--because I always hated going out and being around people.  Even people I genuinely liked.  It was bad in college but it got much worse after.  It got to a point that going out with people made me question who I was.  It's hard to explain but it just fed my identity issues.  I think it was because I'd always end up comparing myself to the people I was with and, in a way, wondering if I should be more like them and feeling bad that I wasn't.  It would also make me feel kind of split--like who I was in my daily life wasn't the same as who I was when I was out with my friends, like somehow I was two different people and I had no clue which one was the real me.  It was awful.  It gave me anxiety attacks.  Plus when I was sick I was socially awkward: I always felt like I was too loud, like I talked too fast, like I was just kind of obnoxious and that no one wanted to really be around me.

But this weekend I felt none of those things.  I'm pretty sure I made some new friends, and that's great.  I feel like I'm actually quite likable now.  And not once did I question myself or where I am in life.  Talking to B and her friends about what they're doing with their lives was just interesting.  Just part of the conversation.  And when I got home, I felt whole instead of split.  I felt like I was just me--a girl who works in medical billing and writes and sews and gabs with old friends and drinks bloody marys and whatever.  Like all the parts of me made sense.  It was seriously one of the best feelings ever.  I don't think I'd realized until now how much better those particular issues had gotten, and I am over the moon to have done so.  When I went to work on Monday I felt like I fit in with my co-workers just as well as with my college friends.  Truly glorious.

I love these reminders of my mental health.  It makes me so happy.  So so happy. 

Independence Day

I remember, last year on the 4th of July, hiking up into the woods by the apartment with Jerbs to watch the fireworks.  They set them off at the mall so we could see most of the show from here; I'd been back in Flagstaff for 3 days.

I remember standing there in the forest consumed by this overwhelming feeling that my life had stopped making sense.  That when I looked at my life it was foreign to me, like I didn't know it anymore; I had been on one path, imagining one future, and that was gone.  I was confused and anxious and sad and angry and I missed Ex-Fiance and I was still very, very bipolar.  I was miserable and I had no idea what I was going to do.

But today, having a drink at Rendezvous and wandering around downtown with B and her husband (who came up for the day), driving through a massive rainstorm to the mall, eating a sushi dinner with the B's and Jerbs at Karma, and missing most of the fireworks show (minus what we saw from the highway) because they started them early due to the storm . . . I was nothing but content.  Happy.  In love with my life, exactly the way it is.

It feels so good.

Worth The Phoenix Heat

I don't think it would surprise anyone who reads my blog or knows me to know that I hate Phoenix in the summer time.  In general I don't go to Phoenix very often but I especially try to avoid it between April and September.

BUT this past Wednesday, Neil Gaiman(!) made a stop in Phoenix on his book tour, and of course, Jerbs and I agreed that a reading and signing with him was way worth the trip and the potential heat stroke.  We actually found out about and bought tickets for this even way back in, like, February, so we'd been looking forward to it for quite awhile.  (Plus I got to take a random day off work AND I got paid for it!  First paid day off ever in my life).

Overall, it was a pretty quick trip.  We got to Phoenix around lunch time and met up with a good friend of ours from college, B, and hung out with her for a bit.  We had lunch and stopped at this awesome nail supply store that sells mostly to salons but is open to the public; they have high end polish for dirt cheap.  I may have ended up leaving with 5 bottles of polish . . . it was awesome.  (And also, B apparently reads this, so hi B!!)  After that we stopped at a Barnes and Noble because I needed to buy something for the signing, since all of my books are still boxed up back in Kingman (which ended up being more depressing than expected as the book I really wanted to bring was out of stock at every B and N here and in Phoenix).  I bought his new book, the one he's on tour for.

There was a MASSIVE amount of people at the signing.  By the time we got to the high school where it was taking place there was already a gigantic line to get in.  And we were there about 5 minutes before they even opened the doors.  We were still able to get decent seats, though.  The reading and Q/A portion were absolutely fantastic.  My favorite part of these things (we've been to 2 tour events for him before) is the reading.  Neil Gaiman is a fantastic reader, and when he's reading his own work, there is something about it that is just mesmerizing.  Plus he's a genuinely kind and funny guy, so the Q/A session was very entertaining.  My personal favorite was him telling the story about how his book Stardust was actually inspired/conceived in Tucson.  I didn't know that, and it was cool to hear.

The signing part of things was less awesome.  The way they did the signing was in alphabetically assigned groups; each ticket had a letter on it and that was the group you were in for the signing.  Jerbs and I were Q.  (Which actually wasn't so bad, considering that there were so many people there they'd actually gone through the alphabet once and had to start on double letters after, and the guy we were sitting next to had CC as his group).  The signing started around 8, and the people running the event kept saying things were going to go really quickly and blah blah blah which . . . wasn't really the case.  By 10 I was starting to panic a little, because I didn't want to get home super late and then have to work in the morning.  At 10:45 Jerbs and I left, hit a drive thru for dinner, and came back.  Finally at 11:30 they called Q and we got to get in line.  We both got our  books signed but they were really rushing things so neither of us got to talk to Neil or anything, which was disappointing. 

Honestly, though (and I know this sounds creepy, probably) it's incredibly inspiring for me to just stand in his presence.  Not in a stalker way, because I'm definitely not stalking him.  It's more like an admiration thing.  This is a man who is a truly great writer and storyteller, who does what I want to do--he writes beautiful things, and because of the things he writes, over a thousand people are willing to pile into an auditorium and wait hours on end for him to scribble his name on a book for them.  It is truly amazing to me, and it makes me want to work on my own writing and hope that I can be a fraction as successful as him.

Anyway.  By the time we got gas and got on the road it was after midnight.  Then about 60 miles out of Flagstaff we hit some kind of construction (a blast zone, I think, because they're widening the road) and were literally just stopped for about 20 minutes.  We finally got home at 2:45 AM, and I think we were both asleep by 3 AM.

Which made my alarm going off at 6:30 AM about the worst thing that had ever happened to me.  Not really, but damn, it felt that way at the time!  I don't even know how I survived work, but I do know that I drank 2 bottles of Starbucks frappuccino (they brought back the caramel flavor in the bottles!) and 2 cups of coffee from the pot at work, and came home too wound up to crash.

But it was worth it.  Well worth it, both for getting to visit with an old friend and, of course, for Neil Gaiman. 

15 Pounds to Vegas!

Yesterday while I was on my way to work (late, after a stupidly bad doctor's appointment that I'll probably write about later), I got two texts from Theresa.

"By my royal decree we are going to be workout buddies."

Followed by . . . .

"If we lose 15 lbs each we meet in Vegas to celebrate."

Um . . . yes please!  That's some pretty awesome incentive because me, Theresa, and Vegas is a fantastic combination!

I believe this little challenge is starting on March 1st.  I'm pretty excited . . . see why this girl is my BFF?
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In other news, I still love my job (love it more every day, actually, which is amazing), I need to work on my money skills next month, my new bed is pretty awesome but possibly too firm for my liking at the moment, and . . . I think that's it.

Nothing terribly exciting in the everyday life stuff but I'm happy.

Just An Update

Four days until Christmas, and I still have zero holiday spirit.  I'm trying, I really am, but even with all the Corey crap aside, it just doesn't feel like the holidays this year.  I've got all my little ornaments ready to be given out and travel plans are somewhat finalized (so I get to go home, yay!) but . . . somehow it's all just making me anxious.  I think I know why (aside from what I've already said) and I need to vent about it but I'm not sure I'm ready to share it here yet.  I'm looking forward to going home but I'm also dreading it, just because there's so much to do before I leave and it stresses me out.  I also just kind of don't like being away from home, and right now, Jerbs' place is the closest thing to home I have, y'know?  But I'm sure it'll be fine. I feel like I'm kind of taking this year off.  I feel like next year at Christmas time I will definitely be more stable than I am now so I'll see how I feel about the holidays then.  Maybe that Christmas magic will come back, maybe it won't; maybe I'll be with him, maybe I won't.  Either way, I'll be in a more defined place than I am now.  If I get back into the Christmas spirit, I plan on starting over--saving the most sentimental/meaningful ornaments and stuff in my (extensive) Christmas collection and donating the rest, just so that it's all MINE, not things I shared with him.  Even if he and I do get back together, I want to start over.  Keep nothing except the sentimental stuff from that bad part of our relationship.
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Last Friday (the 14th) my college BFF Theresa graduated college.  It was a very exciting day because she's basically been working towards her degree for 8 years (we started college the same year/semester).  Jerbs and I didn't get to see her after graduation but tonight we went out to dinner with her.  It was nice to see her, and we went to a restaurant Jerbs and I had never been to (which was delicious, BTW).  I love Theresa, and I'm so glad she's graduated and in a good relationship . . . in the almost decade we've known each other I've seen her go through a lot and I want nothing but happiness for her.  In a little more than a week she is moving to Salt Lake City, Utah, with her girlfriend, and I couldn't be happier for her.  (Plus . . . excuse to go to Utah and explore a little!!)  I'll probably write more about her graduation and stuff later.
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Things could be looking up in the employment area.  I'm not saying more until I know for sure but . . . please keep your fingers crossed for me!
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I bought new pants the other night (well, I bought half of them, Jerbs bought the other half) and I had to buy a size smaller than I expected.  That was a pleasant experience.  However, the downside was that the "short" pants (because I have tiny little midget legs) were actually a little too long for me.  How freaking sad is that???  I like being short but I wish my legs were a teeny bit longer.  Jerbs and I are the same height but her inseam is something like 4 inches longer than mine.
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**EDIT**
Travel plans ended up falling through so it looks like I'll be stuck in Flag for Christmas this year.

What Are We Up To?

I've been jogging.  (But more about that later).  I'm also feeling really bleh lately, not mentally but physically.  I'm sore all over (from the jogging and sleeping on the floor, I know, but it still sucks).  I also just feel weak a lot lately, and I've been having stomach issues.  Like I've had a lot of days recently where I'm really hungry but absolutely nothing sounds appetizing.  And my sleep schedule is still a disaster, and a messed up sleep schedule equals a messed up meds schedule.  I'm still taking everything I should, but the schedule needs to be a LOT more regular.  I'm working on it.  In good news, I won a $10 giftcard to JCPenney as part of their holiday buttons thingy.  I'm happy because I never win anything like that haha.

Jerbs is stoked because today was her last day of work before 12 days off.  She'd asked for this coming weekend off to go to a Mountain Goats concert and visit our friends, the Flicks, in Phoenix.  She had a bunch of vacation time that she needed to use up before the end of the year so she decided to do it now.  She is soooooo excited . . . today I watched her give money to 2 different charities at the mall, so yeah, she's pretty pleased.

Benji has been spending most of his time in his heating padded bed, and it's adorable.  He looks totally blissed out when he's in there.  He's stopped waking up and barking in the middle of the night too, so that's good.  (For awhile, every night around 3 AM he'd start barking for no reason . . . I think because he'd wake up to find himself alone and get scared, maybe?)  He actually ate some of his dog treats the other day; last time I tried to give him one he didn't eat it, and I assumed it was too hard for him, even thought it's a chewy treat.  But I guess not, so that was a relief.

Irene is just Irene.  She walks around like she owns the apartment and everything in it and that's just that.  She's been feisty with Ilya lately--they've had some pretty epic wrestling matches recently, and it's pretty entertaining.  She always seems to know when I'm watching something on TV, and she'll choose that moment to jump up on the TV stand and sit RIGHT in front of it.

Ilya is still scared of everything.  Some mornings when I'm in Jerbs' bed, she'll cuddle with me.  She crawls under the covers and everything, it's so sweet.  Other than that, she still likes to play with her gross little teddy bear and drown him in her water bowl, and almost once a day I step on it while it's wet.  It's disgusting but also kinda cute.

So that's what our odd little sorta family is up to at the moment!

Lately

I finally admitted defeat in the air bed battle.  I deflated the bed and now I'm just sleeping on the floor on top of it.  It's actually not too bad.  I sleep for longer chunks of time because I don't wake up every 20 minutes needing to re-inflate the stupid thing, and it's kind of a relief to know I'm not bugging the neighbors with the sound of the inflating or anything.  Most mornings I wake up when Jerbs leaves and I go in her bed for a few hours, which is always nice.  At this point I'm just keeping my eyes out for a good deal on a mattress/box spring set.
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I've been having phone issues for about a week now.  Like, my phone won't let me make calls (when I try it tells me calls aren't allowed from this line), it won't accept calls (when people call me they hear that this person is not currently accepting calls), and I can't send or receive texts.  I have no clue what's going on but based on googling it could be my SIM card.  This is especially annoying because in the past two weeks I've filled out a ton of job applications and if anyone tries to call the number I gave, they won't be able to reach me.  Blech.  Still not really sure what I'm going to do about this one.  Probably just get a prepaid no contract phone to replace it.
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Adam, Jenny's best friend from college, was out visiting from Florida on Friday.  He and Jenny spent the day together and then he spent the night in our living room.  Well, I took Benji in the bedroom with me so that he wouldn't bother Adam, and he cuddled up and slept next to me on the floor.  It was so sweet, and it made me think of how he used to sleep with me every single night.  I love that little dog.
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I've been biting my nails again lately.  I have no idea why, because I was doing so well not biting them.  Weird.  And a little disappointing.
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I have fallen in love with this long haired cat who's up for adoption at PetSmart.  He's beautiful and if Jerbs weren't allergic he'd already be here with me, and his name would be Duke Orsino.
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Remember how I talked about missing the deadline for that short short story contest?  I was really bummed about that but then I got an email from Writers Digest saying they extended the deadline til December 17th!  That doesn't give me much time BUT I think I can come up with at least one entry for it--especially since that weird depressive funk is gone.
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Really, really hoping I start getting calls from jobs soon.  I'm sick of being unemployed already and I'm ready to go back to work and make money.  I'm already making plans for saving and whatnot and I'm excited to get started on those.  All I want is to be able to support myself, really, so hopefully something comes through soon.

A Work Fiasco and An Old Friend

I mentioned before that I had one scheduled shift at work this week, and then I agreed to cover a shift for someone as well.  The scheduled shift was Thursday 9--2, the cover shift was Friday 4--8:30.

Well, naturally I had awful insomnia Wednesday night and I ended up not being able to sleep until almost 6 AM.  So when my alarm went off at 7:30 Thursday morning there was just no way I was moving.  In a moment of rebellion and  anger, I said fuck it, and went back to bed.  I didn't call in.

So when I woke up, there were no missed calls on my phone from work.  Which surprised me but whatever--I don't exactly work with a bunch of geniuses.

Then this morning I woke up to a missed call from work, and when I checked the voicemail, they were basically asking if I was coming in for my 9--2 shift.  I rolled my eyes and immediately felt very superior.  I was like, pish, idiots either didn't read the schedule right or randomly changed the schedule in the middle of the week (not my fault).  So I figured I'd just go in at 4, show them my printed schedule that showed my Thursday shift, and say I forgot about it or something.

Then when I was waiting for the bus, I decided to look at my printed schedule just for the hell of it.

And wouldn't you know it, I was wrong, and I was scheduled 9--2 today.

I was like, shit.  I felt so stupid.  So incredibly stupid.  I had been absolutely certain that I was supposed to work yesterday.  I called work and was forced to talk to the store manager and I said I'd just had it in my head that I was supposed to work 9--2 on Saturday.  They weren't happy but they didn't fire me.  Then I called back around ten to four to say I was running a bit late for the 4--8:30 shift and I was told that the girl I was covering for was there so I wasn't needed.

So I didn't work any hours this week!  Go me!

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But the good thing was that Jerbs was getting off work about the time all this was going down, so since we were both out, we met up and went to Sally's and PetSmart (where I met the prettiest little baby kitten who was built like a siamese but an orange tabby).  Then we decided to eat at Chipotle, and Theresa randomly showed up!

We were totally stoked to see her, and she was wearing her USFS uniform, which makes her look pretty B.A.  She got food at Chipotle (her girlfriend and others were eating next door at Panda, which Theresa can't eat on her gluten free diet) and we chatted, and then she offered us a ride home, which was awesome!

On our drive home we went through campus and looked at the new dorms and parking garages and reminisced about when we were in school and how different it is now than when we were there.  We talked about how we both went to band day at NAU as high schoolers, and how weird it is that we were there at the same time without knowing we'd ever be friends.  We talked about the time in '07 when we played in the parking garage and parking lot during a massive rainstorm, and I remembered how I used to drive to South Campus to visit Heather and Theresa and go to band practice and games . . . so weird.

But sometimes it's nice to reminisce and remember, especially with someone who's such a good friend and who's been there for so much of those experiences.  And tonight, the remembering didn't make me anxious, or at least not as much as it has at times.

Either way, it was a decent day: no work, kittens, Theresa, and a trip home that didn't involve the bus!