Weigh In # 2 (2015)

Weight: 187.4

2 pounds down for January.  Not too shabby.  I think I'd have done better if it wasn't for my vacation, because I really didn't do super well on food that week (who wants to diet on vacation?).

My goal is to be at 179.4 on March 1st.  Someone on the MFP forums pointed out that 01.26.15--03.01.15 is a time frame of 5 weeks, and started up a 5 week challenge group on MFP.  I don't join groups on that site, but I liked the idea of a 5 week challenge, so I'm doing it on my own.  Basically the goal is to lose 10 pounds in the 5 weeks.

I've gotten a lot better about working out this past month, and have actually been making use of my gym membership.  (It helps that we signed up 132 new members this month, so I've been there literally every day processing stuff and making sure change forms stay caught up).  I've just been using the cross training elliptical, which I love, and I can do 25 minutes on it without stopping now.  I'm pretty proud of that!

Weigh In # 1 (2015)

189.4 pounds.

Which means that I lost . . . less than 4 pounds in 2014.  Awesome.

But still, I weigh less today than I did last January 1st.  So I am moving, at a glacially slow speed, in the right direction.

I have some good motivation this year, though.  For one thing, I have two weddings to go to this year (one in July, the other in October . . . and at the rate my friends seem to be getting engaged, there might be a few more, too), and I'd like to look nice at them.  I want to be able to buy pretty dresses to wear to them, and feel confident in them.

I also feel like I am maybe, possibly, almost ready to maybe, possibly, start dating again, and that's not going to happen until I feel better about myself.  Which is not going to happen until I like my body.

Weigh In # 6 (2014)

Weight: 189 pounds.

A little up from last time, but my measurements are all mostly the same.  Besides that, I've logged my food consistently enough to know that I definitely didn't eat the extra 10,500 calories that would have made me gain three pounds.  So I'm not too worried.

That said, May was not my best month.  It was just stressful all around--more and more duties at work, issues with my family, still not being able to find a new doctor, the weather getting hotter . . . just kind of a mess.  I felt really unmotivated all month.

Right now I feel better than I have in a few weeks so I'm looking forward to June.  My biggest goals, as usual, are to cut back on fast food as much as I can and to work out as often as possible.  One of my plans is to start walking during my lunch breaks at work, which I think will be an easy way to get in a little more exercise.

Weigh In # 5 (2014)

Weight: 186.4
BMI: 33.0

I lost 1.6 pounds in April.  So not super fantastic and not the most I'm capable of but . . . well, a loss is a loss, right?

April was pretty much like every other month this year.  I started out all determined to do well and kick ass and then I repeatedly failed.  I hate that about myself and I just don't understand why I do it.  I feel like it's probably some random little offshoot of my mental health issues that, for some reason, I just haven't been able to resolve yet.

I will say, though, that even with such a tiny loss, I feel like I'm getting smaller and more toned.  I didn't have time to take my measurements this morning so I'm not sure where I stand inch wise.  And even though my April challenge didn't go as well as I'd intended, the little chart thing I made to track it did help.  I mean, I can say I'm disappointed in how I did all I want, but seeing how little I worked out and how much I ate fast food and went over my calorie goal written out in black and white is pretty eye opening.  I can't really look at that and be terribly surprised at my results.

I am setting the same goals for May that I did for April: Work out 4 times a week, eat out once a week, reduce the Dr. Pepper, and focus on staying within my calorie goals.

Weigh In # 4 (2014)

Weight: 188

So I gained a half pound(ish) since last time I weighed in.  It might not be totally accurate since my period just ended.  Either way, I most definitely didn't meet my goal of hitting the 170's by April.  But at the same time I'm not too disappointed because honestly, the way I've been doing with food and working out I thought the number was going to be higher.

But, that being said, more than a month of basically doing nothing, I'm feeling really motivated to get back on the wagon.  So I came up with a challenge for April: fast food once a week, limit soda, work out at least 3 times a week, and come in at or under my MFP at least 6 days a week.  For the entire month.  I made a little chart for it (because I love to make charts and lists and have free time at work to do so!) so that I can keep track of my progress.  I really want to see what I can accomplish in a month when I'm on point as much as I possibly can be.  Because not only will the accomplishments be good in and of themselves, but I think it will be really helpful to see that I really can control what happens to my body.

I also came up with a list of weight loss/fitness goals/accomplishments and rewards for them.  Nothing huge, just little things that I want.  I mean, normally I just randomly buy little things like that for no real reason, so I thought it might be productive if I make myself work for stuff I want.  It'll probably be a good idea for both my physical health and my financial health.

So we'll see how it goes.  I'm feeling confident about April.

Weigh In # 3 (2014)

I'm just posting this to say that I'm skipping my March weigh in.  Quite frankly between losing Benji and being insanely stressed/buys at work I just don't have the energy to care what I weigh right now.

I know I'm in the upper 180's and I'd like that second digit to be a 7 when I weigh in on April 1st.  Ambitious but not impossible.

Weigh In # 2 (2014)

Weight: 188.4
BMI: 33.4

I lost 4.6 pounds in January!  My goal was to lose 5 so I feel a smidge short of that but I'm still proud of myself.  Plus my actual weight may be a bit lower, since I'm at the tail end of my period and that always messes with my weight.

I'm definitely heading in the right direction!

My goal for February is just to up my game.  Less fast food, less soda, more exercise.

My goal weight for March 1st is 183.4.

Weigh In # 1 (2014)

Weight: 193 pounds

I know I said I wasn't going to be able to weigh in on the first, but then my body changed its mind about some other stuff so . . . yep.  Here I am, weighing in on the first.  I also took all of my measurements so . . . yep.  I'm sorry, I'm not feeling well and can't really think of much more to say than that.

Weigh In # Whatever (2013)

Weight: 192.8
BMI: 34.1

Last time I weighed myself was November 15th, and at that time I weighed 193.8.  So I've lost a pound in a month.

That's not super impressive.  But it's a small step in the right direction, I guess.

I've been very off and on with the dieting thing lately.  Some days I do really well with food, other days . . . yeah, not so much.  And I haven't been to the gym in I don't even know how long.  It's just . . . I don't know.  I usually feel so drained after work that exercising sounds like the worst idea ever.  I need to figure out how to combat that.

Anyway, for the rest of December I'm going to keep focusing on food.  My goal for the rest of the month is to stay within my calorie goal on MyFitnessPal every day.  My plan is to go back to the gym in January, at which point I'm going to redo my membership.  My insurance (BCBS) has a promotion thing where you can join various gyms through them, and signing up like that would save me like $20 a month, so that'll be nice.

When I do go back to the gym I'm going to take it easy for awhile . . . I think I'll do a yoga class once a week for a bit and then add in some cardio.

This is my last weigh in for 2013, and it's super depressing that I'm finishing the year higher than I started it.  I was so determined back in January.  Hopefully I can get my shit together and get on it this coming year, and hopefully my January weigh in will reflect that.

Weigh In # 10 (2013)

Weight: 194.0
BMI: 34.4

I'm home from work with a wretched migraine (and having anxiety attacks that I'm going to get fired for being a slacker because my mind is lovely) and randomly remembered I hadn't posted a blog entry.

I'm about to pass out so all I'm gong to say about September is that it wasn't my best, but I'll take it.

Weigh In # 9 (2013)

Weight: 195.8
BMI: 34.7

I really don't want to talk about August, actually.  It wasn't a great month.  I don't have any real excuses, either; the absolute fact is that I just didn't feel like working out or eating right.  I wanted the food I always eat and I didn't want to go running or whatever.  It sucked.  I honestly don't know how to motivate myself anymore.

I keep hoping and hoping at the start of every month that this stuff will finally just *click*.  Because at this point I think that's what needs to happen.  So far nothing that I've tried as far as motivating myself has really worked so I think I just need to hit rock bottom and then something will just click.

A little while ago I cleaned out my purse and dug out all of the fast food/restaurant receipts I'd accumulated for the month of August.  I didn't have every receipt from every fast food trip in there; some I know I've thrown out at work, some are probably in my car, and some have been tossed out with the bags the food came in.  But I sat down and I added them up, and the total (and keep in mind that this is only most of it, not all of it) was $355.25

Ummmm . . . yeah, I don't think I even need to put into writing why that is disgusting/unacceptable/shameful/destructive/counter productive.  That's more than my car payment and car insurance payment combined.  It's about the amount of those two things plus a tank of gas, actually.

I'm destroying my body and my bank account simultaneously by doing this month after month.

Seeing that number was a wake up call.  I mean, obviously I knew I was over spending on this crap but . . . I didn't really realize it was that bad.

So this month, I'm going to go grocery shopping every week, and maybe do a little menu planning (I don't cook so I don't really see the point of menu planning).  I'm also going to (obviously) work out as much as possible.  One thing I realized in August is that going to the gym on my lunch break works pretty well for me, because I get in a good work out and then don't have to worry about it once I get home, plus it means I'm actually tired by bed time, which is nice.

Hopefully this is my month.  I'm definitely going to try my best to make it my month.

Weigh In # 8 (2013)

This is going to be quick because I feel like total poo, both mentally and physically.

195.2 pounds.  Which means a loss of 3.8 pounds in July.  Not too terribly impressive but still a start, right? 

(And I don't know what's wrong with the little MyFitnessPal ticker on the side of the blog . . . I can't get it to reflect the loss despite resetting it quite a few times so . . . whatevs).

I also ran 5.75 miles in July, which again, doesn't sound like much, but still, a great start.

So August goals are to keep running and take a few classes at my gym.  I want to try boxing and get back to yoga.  I'm hiking 7 miles on the 17th, too, and I feel like that'll do me some good fitness wise.  (IF I survive it . . . it's up Snowbowl so . . . we'll see how that goes).

Anyway.  That's about it.  I don't know wtf is wrong with me but I'm kind of a mess at the moment . . . I just feel totally disengaged and off and I can't explain it.  I think that's probably for another entry but . . . yeah.

Weigh In # 7 (2013)

This post is a few days late because I've just been distracted and busy, but here it is.

199.  Which, for the record, is the highest number I've ever seen on a scale when weighing myself.  Needless to say it was a disappointment.  My measurements have all gone up too, some only a quarter of an inch, others more than that.  Also disappointing.

However, I'm working on it.  I really am.  For example, I went running twice today!  And did fairly well food wise.  If I can keep this up for the month then my next weigh in should be a lot more uplifting!

Weigh In # 6 (2013)

The alternate titles to this post were: "Weight Up, Spirits Down" and "Wake Up Call."

Yep.  My weight today was around 189 and in the past few days has fluctuated between 188 and 191.

Blech.

Enough.

Yesterday I tried on a couple pairs of pants at the mall and I was absolutely appalled at how I looked in the big dressing room mirrors.  I look . . . big.  I don't think I'd realized how bad it had gotten.  But I look awful.  And I feel like shit too.

I find this all so freaking frustrating.  I have accomplished so many other things but this--physical fitness, weight loss, etc--is the thing I just can't seem to do.  I don't get this about myself.  I don't get why it's so damn difficult for me.  And it's worse because I was doing well, or at least better than I had been, until that whole thyroid thing happened.  I really feel like that was the start of this little downward spiral.  I was so exhausted all the time that I started drinking more Dr. Pepper and I couldn't exercise and it just . . . went from there.

It's really the diet part I have issues with.  Sometimes it's difficult to get the momentum to go work out but once I'm doing it, I enjoy it.  But the diet part . . . that's where I get hung up.  It's just so hard to not eat fast food.

So I decided no more.  It's time to buckle down and get serious about this.  For real.  Today I went grocery shopping and focused on healthier foods.  My goals this week are to not eat out, reduce Dr. Pepper (I refuse to just cold turkey quit soda . . . I'm not going to put myself or the people who have to deal with me on a daily basis through that because it would not be pretty), and work out as much as I can.

I didn't do well on food today, but I did go running.  There's a pond near our house with ducks and stuff, so I jogged while Jerbs walked Max and fed the ducks.  It was hard but it felt good at the same time, and I'm hoping to do it again tomorrow.

My determination feels a little renewed.  I feel like I've kind of snapped out of that funk I was in during the thyroid thing, both mentally and physically.  I'm not stepping on the scale again for another two weeks and hopefully I'll see results.

Weigh In # 5 (2013)

Today the scale said 187.4, which is up about 7 pounds from last time.  But my measurements haven't changed.  Sooooo . . . yeah.

This is all related to everything else I've been talking about this week.  Honestly, I don't think that weight is accurate; I think I must be retaining water or something.  I feel bloated, and given that my measurements are the same, I think that has to be it.

The problem has just been exhaustion.  I've been too tired to work out  . . . I seriously haven't been to the gym in almost two weeks, which is really frustrating.  Plus being so tired during the day has led to me drinking a lot more Dr. Pepper than I should be because I just need it to feel even remotely functional at the moment.  It sucks.

The good news is it's kind of getting better.  Today I felt like I had a little more energy during work . . . but then I fell asleep for a few hours as soon as I got home, which isn't what I wanted to do.  My energy felt a little better yesterday as well so hopefully, whatever this is is going away.

I definitely need to start fighting through this.  I'm determined to get back into exercising, even if it's only 20 minutes a day.

So that's it.  Hopefully June's weigh in will be better.

Weigh In # 4 (2013)

Today the scale said 180.2.  Which was kind of a shitty way to start the day but at the same time, I'm not too worried about it.  I slacked off for most of March, mostly diet wise, so I wasn't expecting to have lost much if anything.  As far as the gain, like I said, I'm not worried, because my measurements are all the same or within a quarter inch of each other so.  Maybe my body's just doing something weird right now or I'm gaining muscle.

I did get better about working out in March.  I've been going to the gym and doing a half hour of cardio every day on my lunch hour so that's a good thing.  I haven't gone back to yoga since the first time I went, though.  Not because I didn't want to but because it just makes for such a long, long day.  I just don't really want to be out of the house for 13 hours at a time.  I know it would be different if I had a car but for now, it's just not worth it.  Maybe eventually, because I do enjoy it though.

I'm feeling pretty good about April though.  I mentioned it before but my visit to Kingman this weekend left me feeling pretty upbeat and optimistic, and I'm going to work hard this month.

Weigh In # 3 (2013)

Let's just say that February was not my best month.

This morning the scale said 177.6, which is about a pound and a half higher than my weight a month ago.  Disappointing for sure, but also not altogether surprising.  And I know that it could be water weight or something random like that, too, so while I'm not thrilled, I'm also not terribly upset.  Plus I took my measurements and they were all basically the same as a month ago; two were lower by a bit and the rest were within a half inch of what they were last time.

February started out really good.  Remember how my goal was to do something physical everyday?  For the first two and a half weeks, I did just that.  None of it was big cardio or anything, I just did weights and abs and jumping jacks and burpees at home.  I also did really well food wise during that time, which was awesome.

And then, I don't know what happened, but around the middle of the month, I just kind of stopped.  I never felt like working out and I wanted to eat horrible horrible things . . . and I did.  I think it was a combo of stress at work and my period.  Work definitely did get more stressful in February because in the middle of the month we officially rearranged the billing department to include me, so I went from shadowing my co-workers to actually having my own real responsibilities.  Now I have real stuff to do on my own and I'm trusted with a lot of stuff . . . which is exciting, don't get me wrong, and I love that after only a month they thought I was doing well enough to give me my own work, but it's also really stressful.  I'm feeling better about it now and I'm doing well, but I think it kind of screwed with me a little.  Altogether I ate fast food 14 times, which is exactly half the month.  I know that sounds like a lot but it's kind of an accomplishment for me, and I'm proud.

The good news is that I finally did join the gym (Summit Fitness), so I can work out now after work.  I plan to do cardio 4 days a week, at least, and a yoga class once a week.  I went after work today for the second time and it was difficult, but awesome.  I love how I feel after I work out but at the same time, slacking has definitely had an effect on me, and my body's not used to it.

But still, I'm looking forward to March and I feel confident and energized about it.  I'm determined to make it a good month.

My goals are to do something physical every single day; I'll probably go to the gym 4 times a week and do smaller workouts at home when I don't make it to the gym; fast food no more than 10 times; work harder on cutting out soda (I am still SO bad about Dr. Pepper); and overall lose 3 pounds.  Fingers crossed!

Weigh In # 2 (2013)

Weight as of this morning: 176.0 pounds.

On January 1st I was at 181.6, which means that during the month of January, I lost 5.6 pounds!

I'm pretty dang happy with those results.  It was pretty nice to see that # on the scale this morning!

I wish I could say I did super well diet/exercise this month, but . . . well, I really didn't.  Particularly in exercise.

This month I did all right with altering my diet; I avoided fast food for almost half of the month, and while that's not too much, it's incredible for me.  (I literally went about 7 years where I ate fast food every single day so this is an accomplishment for me).  I think that's probably the reason I was able to actually lose weight this month.  I also drank less Dr. Pepper in January, and drank a lot more water.  Increasing my water intake has probably been the biggest change, and I can honestly say that I've never drank so much water in my life!  I'm up to about 4 cups (2 bottles) a day.  I've started to drink more Dr. Pepper since I started working, though, so hopefully I'll be able to keep it under control in February.

As far as exercising goes . . . I did not do nearly as well as I'd hoped.  I was doing all right at the start of the month but then once I started working . . . not so much.  It's just soooooo cold out by the time I get home that I really, really struggled with making myself walk over to the workout room.  My first weekend from work I managed to exercise a little, but the second weekend, I was just wiped out and didn't have the energy.  I think my saving grace this past month (the reason I lost weight) was all the walking I did.  Having to work every day means that I'm walking every day--to the bus stop, from the bus stop to work, back to the bus stop, home, etc etc etc.  And honestly, most mornings I run to the stop since I'm always running late, and that most definitely gets my heart rate up.  Even though the bus sucks in the cold, I'm pretty grateful that it keeps me going like that, if that makes sense.  I really need to look into joining the gym across the street from work (we get to join for free + a discount on the monthly price).  I want to join, but I don't know if there's a process we have to go through or whatever.  I always mean to ask someone at work but I get too caught up in whatever I'm doing for the day so . . . it doesn't happen.

So my goals for February are to join they gym, cut fast food out of my diet even more (my goal is less than 10 days with eating out), and keep reducing the Dr. Pepper and keep drinking water.  I also want to do something physical every day, even if it's something small, like weights or an ab workout, or stretching.

I feel like I can accomplish all of that and then some this month!  Hoping for a successful and productive February!

Weigh In # 1 (2013)

Since I pretty much quit making any effort to lose weight at the end of 2012, I thought I'd just start the whole process over with the start of the new year.  So no more weekly weigh ins and updates, just monthly ones.  I feel like that'll be more doable.

So January 1st.  Weight 181.6 (courtesy of my new digital scale).

Hopefully that number will be a lot lower on February 1st.

Weigh In: 3 Months, No Pics

I meant to post this on the 7th but I never got around to it.  I also didn't get around to taking pictures.

But either way it's been 3 months since I got all determined to lose weight and even though I haven't been trying too hard lately, I figured I should do my little check in thing anyway.  (I'm not going to do weekly ones anymore, though, because . . . well, they're kinda pointless).

So anyway.  I weighed myself on the 7th and my weight was at 174, so I'm holding steady.  I'm glad for that.  A few weeks ago when we went to Best Buy to get my phone, my friend Theresa said that I look like I've lose weight, so that was nice.  It was a confidence boost and a bit of an incentive to get my ass back in gear.

So this past week I started.  On Monday (the 3rd) I really wanted to work out, but I really didn't feel like walking to the workout room.  So I sucked it up, put on my workout clothes, and went for a jog.

Yep.  Me.  A jog.  And y'know what?  I actually did it.  Like, I actually jogged.  For 4 minutes without stopping.  (Four minutes is the time it took to go once around our apartment complex).  I took it slow and didn't push myself, and after I'd gone around once, I stopped.  It was pretty awesome.  I did again on Tuesday night, but I haven't gone sense (too sore and too sick).  But I'm hoping to jog every night this week (Monday thru Friday) and eventually, I'd like to be able to go around the complex twice.

I'm guessing that the distance around our complex is about a quarter mile.  The way the complex parking lot is is a square that's uphill on both sides.  We sit basically in the middle of one of the hills, so I run up the rest of the hill, across the back of the complex, down the other side of the parking lot, across the front of the complex, and then halfway up the other side to our apartment.  Hopefully that makes a little sense.  (I hated our parking lot when we had a car and it was winter . . . trying to get into a lot that has two entrances that both go uphill in snow . . . frickin' nightmare).

Other than the jogging I also found my weights (3 pounds, just for some toning) and I've been doing a little bit with that.  Just some arm exercises, nothing fancy.  And I've been trying to do an ab workout here and there.

Food wise I'm still only doing so/so, but I have been drinking less Dr. Pepper.

So my next weigh in will be on January 7th, and my goals for the next month are to get in some good cardio at least 5 times a week, weights and abs at least 3 times a week, and work harder on the food stuff.  By my next weigh in I should have a digital scale (I think one of my family members is getting me one for Christmas) so I'm looking forward to that.  Although I wonder if the numbers might be off from what they have been since my current scale is so crappy.