It's Not Fair

Sometimes I feel like this is just not fair.

It's not fair that Corey gets to keep our life.  I feel like I'm not just losing him, I'm also losing a house I really like, bell choir, orchestra, a job/co-workers I like/adore, living close to my family and getting to spend time with my nephew.  It sucks.  I feel like he gets to break my heart and go on living his life like it's nothing, while I'm the one being thrown into an uncertain and uncomfortable situation.

I do NOT do well with moving.  I do NOT do well with staying in strange places.  I do NOT do well when I don't have a place that feels distinctly like home to me.  And . . . that's exactly where I'm going.

And I wonder how people will act around me and treat me if/when I come back.  Like what has Corey already told our mutual friends and his co-workers?  What will he tell them while I'm gone?  I feel like I'll come back and they'll know him better than I do.  Fucking.  Sucks.

I know that's not true.  I know that this break is as much for Corey to work on himself as it is for me to work on myself.  I know that he needs to focus on that, and I have faith that he will be.  And I know that I need a break too and that I do actually want this almost as much as he does.

Sigh.  I really fucking hate this.