Not A Good Day

So last week I requested a Lithium refill through my pharmacy website.  After two days it still hadn't been filled so I called my doctor's office and left a voicemail asking them to just call it in, because I didn't want to deal with the same BS as when I called in my Paxil.  And it was filled this past Friday, and I finally went to pick it up today.  And it was the wrong effing prescription.  It was Lithium, just not the extended release kind.  It was the regular kind that makes me sick when I take it.  Just to clarify, I have been on the ER formula for more than two years now (since September 2011), I told this new doctor that at least twice during our visit back in September so I know it's in his notes, AND it's in my chart.  Yet somehow this moron managed to get it wrong.

So now I'm 4 days off Lithium and feeling like crap and generally just very, very annoyed with this whole freaking process.  Today especially sucked and I honestly found myself very bitterly thinking that maybe I should just terminate my treatment and let this shit run its course until its inevitable end.  It is enormously frustrating to feel like all the hard work I've done is a waste because my doctor is completely incompetent.  I really, really can't handle this up and down shit--being well, then being sick, then being well, then being sick, and so on.

I'm looking for a new doctor.  I'm done with this office.  Beyond done.  Apparently my old doctor was the glue holding the place together.

Then my mom called me at work to let me know that she was at the vet's office in Kingman to have on of our cats, Peek-A-Boo, put to sleep.  Peek-A-Boo was my first real pet, a white kitten with two different colored eyes, who I adopted from my childhood best friend.  She was very, very old--I think we got her in 1996, so she was 17.5 years old, and she had a good kitty life, I know that.  She was very loved.

Maybe this is weird, but I feel a very strong need to say good bye to my old pets, even if it's via phone.  So after I talked to my mom on my work phone, I grabbed my cell phone and slipped away to one of the sleep rooms.  I called my mom back and she put the phone to Boo Boo's ear and I told her how much I loved her.  Then I went to my desk and cried my eyes out.  Super grown up and professional, I know, but at one point or another I've seen pretty much all of my co-workers having similar break downs over their kids or spouse's or whatever, and I feel like I should get the same consideration for the things I care about.  Then I cried the whole drive home, and then I fell into my bed and cried myself to sleep.  I don't cry much anymore but when I do, I cry about everything that I'm unhappy about, so it's pretty intense.

All in all just a shitty, shitty day.  But I know that Peek-A-Boo is in a better place (I don't know if I believe in God or whatever, but I firmly believe that all souls, animal or human, go somewhere beautiful where they are reunited with loved ones and that they watch over us from that place), and I know that she's there with all of her furry siblings who've gone before her.  Especially Goochie, our dachshund, who we got right around the same time as Boo Boo and who passed away a few years ago.  My mom said that they were going to have her cremated and sprinkle her ashes in a pet memorial garden that the vet's office maintains.  I was glad to hear that.

And I know that the Lithium thing will work out, I just have to get through a day or two more and then I'll be good for another month, and in the meantime I'll find a doctor who knows what he or she is doing and understands the concept of continuation of care.

R.I.P. Peek-A-Boo.  Love and miss you.